The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster - Bobby Henderson [0]
and the Word was “Arrrgh!”
—PIRATICUS13:7
Acknowledgments
DELIVERING A DIVINE MESSAGE requires a great deal of coordination and effort on the part of many people. I would like to acknowledge the hard work of all those who have devoted long hours and considerable mind power to keeping up the website and thereby assuring that His Word is spread across the globe. To you all, I say, thank you from the bottom of my heart—you have done benevolent and thoughtful work, and together we have accomplished much, though I can’t help feeling that our greatest moments are still ahead of us.
To my agent, Paula Balzer, I offer my sincerest gratitude. You have been brave and steadfast, guiding me through occasionally stormy seas like the great Pirate that you are.
This book could never have happened without the unwavering dedication of the publishing crew at Villard. Thank you to Daniel Menaker, editor in chief of Random House, for his wisdom, vision, and encouragement. Thank you to Sanyu Dillon and Avideh Bashirrad for their kindness and support, and especially for the marketing genius that helped get this book off to a great start. Thank you to Erich Schoene-weiss for producing a great book and contributing his own Piratical ideas on many an occasion. Thank you to Simon Sullivan and Gabe Levine for their incredible design. Thank you to Nancy Delia for her patience and unwavering commitment to this project. Thank you to Tim Mak, who is an artist, gentleman, and Pirate all in one. And, above all, my greatest thanks goes to my editor, Chris Schluep, without whom the Flying Spaghetti Monster wouldn’t even have gotten off the ground. I nominate you official Pastriarch of FSMism.
RAmen.
Contents
Acknowledgments
Disclaimer
A Letter from Bobby Henderson
THE BLUNDERS OF SCIENCE
The Need for Alternative Theories
An Alternative Viewpoint
Toward a New SuperScience
What’s the Matter with Evolution?
An Alternate Vision
FSM vs. ID, an Unlikely Alliance
Communion Test
Unified Spaghetti Theory
More Evidence
Kiwi Birds: Flightless?
EXPLAINING PASTAFARIANISM
A Condensed History of the World
Key Moments in FSM History
Bobby Answers the Big Questions
WWAPD?
The Holy Noodle
A History of Heretics
PROPAGANDA
The Pastafarian Guide to Propaganda
Pamphlets
Swag
Fund-raising
A Guide to the Holidays
Enlightenment Institute
A Final Note from Bobby Henderson and His Staff
Disclaimer
WHILE PASTAFARIANISM is the only religion based on empirical evidence, it should also be noted that this is a faith-based book. Attentive readers will note numerous holes and contradictions throughout the text; they will even find blatant lies and exaggerations. These have been placed there to test the reader’s faith.
Disclaimer About Midgets1
OUR RELIGION DOES NOT WISH to discriminate or cause hurt feelings among any group—and this is especially true of the very short, who, if provoked, could easily appear out of nowhere and attack. As a solution, we offer the following:
To prevent angering the little people community, we suggest that this book be placed on the very highest shelf possible.
1. Sometimes referred to as “midgits” or “little people.”
DEAR FRIEND,
Welcome to the wonderful world of religion!
These are exciting times in holiness—politicians are crusading, nations are invading, and science1 is fading. With these changes come religious opportunities the likes of which haven’t been seen since the Reformation … or at least since the persecuted masses first huddled together and shipped off to that great democratic revival meeting we call the United States of America.
With this in mind, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) invites you to learn a little more about us. We’d like to tell you all about our Heaven, which features a Stripper Factory and a giant Beer Volcano. We’d love to see you dressed in His chosen garb: full Pirate regalia. We want you to enjoy Fridays as His chosen holiday. But first you need to know a little more about us.
What do