• Choose a category
• All
• Classic-Fiction

By Root 636 0

analogous to the Islamic period of fasting, prayer, and charity known as Ramadan. Ramendan comes around the same time as Ramadan, and indeed the two holiday periods have their similarities. One of the major differences between the two, however, is that Pastafarians do not fast or pray, as doing so would conflict with their flimsy moral standards. Instead, Pastafarians spend a few days of the month eating only Ramen noodles and remembering back to their days as starving college students. This simple act teaches Pastafarians to be happy about what they’ve accomplished, and if they haven’t accomplished anything yet, to at least be happy that they are Pastafarians. Ramendan is the least commercial of the Pastafarian holidays, which is saying a lot, since you aren’t going to see a Pastover sale at Macy’s any time soon. At the end of Ramendan, Pastafarians are encouraged to give their extra Ramen to those who are more needy.

HALLOWEEN is an important Pastafarian holiday because it honors the time when Pirates roamed the earth in freedom. Pirates were His Chosen People, and their dwindling numbers have had a direct effect on the world around us. It can be safely assumed that the recent spate of earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters, as well as the advent of global warming, can all be traced back to the alarming decrease in Pirates worldwide. Pastafarians often dress up as Pirates on Halloween and pass out candy to children. Indeed, it is a little known fact that the original Pirates were well known for passing out candy to children, but that practice grew less common as they became persecuted. During Halloween, Pastafarians are urged to travel their neighborhoods, if not the Seven Seas, in search of wenches and grog.

INTERNATIONAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY takes place every September 19 and is a fine day for Pastafarians to celebrate their Pirate roots. Much like Halloween, Pastafarians are encouraged to seek out wenches and grog on this holiday; candy is optional. It should also be noted that International Talk Like a Pirate Day might be a good time for evangelical work, as grog weakens even the most hardened mind and makes people more open to alternative viewpoints like Pastafarianism. It is estimated that one half of annual conversions to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster take place on this day.

FRIDAY is the holiest of the Pastafarian holidays and takes place each week. During this High Day, Pastafarians are encouraged to take it easy and, if possible, try to find some sun. Fridays are dedicated to the ideals beholden in the Beer Volcano and the Stripper Factory, and one can do no more to honor His Noodly Appendage than to observe Fridays with the utmost of piety.

HOLIDAY encompasses pretty much all of the big commercial holidays celebrated by the other religions. Holiday stretches over most of December and January, and it is interesting to consider how much this Pastafarian religion has spread over the last couple of years. In fact, many schools and businesses refer not to the “Christmas season,” but to the Pastafarian “Holiday season” instead. This is strong evidence of our rapid growth, and we feel that a special thanks should go out to Wal-Mart, who rejected the Christian phrase “Merry Christmas” in favor of the Pastafarian greeting “Happy Holidays.” We appreciate your support.

1. Quite a number of days are dedicated to saints of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Although they will not be mentioned in this section, we should correct one troubling misunderstanding: Chef Boyardee is not a saint and, in fact, may not even be a real person.

Enlightenment Institute

PASTAFARIANS DON’T REST ON THEIR LAURELS. Sure we’ve got lots of proofs already, but we can never truly stop our effort to spread His Word (unless it’s a Friday).

String theory—all matter is created of little noodlelike strings. Coincidence?

Bacteria flagella—can anything that complex and noodlelike have happened by accident? Heresy.

But obviously we need more evidence of His existence, and so we have established