The Great Derangement - Matt Taibbi [15]
A report by Democrat Louise Slaughter, one of the minority four suffering Democrats on the Rules Committee, put it bluntly:
“House Republicans continued to squeeze out real debate on controversial issues in the House by devoting more and more floor time to suspension bills…In the 108th Congress, Republican leaders apparently decided that the House should spend two out of the three days of its already abbreviated legislative week on noncontroversial legislation, such as bills that name post offices and congratulate sports teams.”
What these reports don’t say in stark-enough terms is that the whole idea behind all of these suspension bills is to make the official business of Congress an endless stream of meaningless, boring, literally unwatchable bullshit. No human being with any self-respect could ever watch more than ten minutes of this stuff per month, and for the leaders of Congress, that’s a wonderful thing. Because the real business of Congress happens mostly behind closed doors, in obscure committee meetings, with the most important and weighty of these taking place at preposterous hours and in late-night “emergency” sessions.
No one ever asks why Congress needs to debate massive energy bills, or sweeping, pork-filled highway legislation, or friendishly transparent corporate handouts like the prescription drug benefit bill late at night, when its days are spent naming auditoriums and sending letters to the wives of dead orchestra conductors. Clearly, if the House leaders wanted to, they could take care of all that naming and congratulating in the off-peak hours, or not bother with it at all. This gross scheduling absurdity is much commented upon among congressional staffers, most all of whom interpret this state of affairs the same way.
“The difference between now and before,” says Fred Turner, chief of staff of Congressman Alcee Hastings, one of four Democrats on the vital Rules Committee, “is that before, when the Democrats controlled Congress, we held all the key committee hearings at ten a.m. on Tuesday. Now it’s three a.m. on Thursday. Everyone knows why they do it: so that the press won’t be here to watch, so that everything makes the papers a day late, and so on. They don’t want you to watch.”
But what happens if you do watch? What will you see?
ON THAT SAME THURSDAY afternoon in October when Duncan, Davis, et al. were rhapsodizing over Whistle Stop, the schedule for House activity on the floor had been about par for the course. Frankenstein look-alike and Arkansas Democrat Mike Ross ate a few minutes welcoming his hometown pastor to Congress (“My faith is profoundly important to me, and Reverend Kassos is not only my spiritual adviser, he is my friend and he is my fishing buddy…”).
Under-investigation Ohio congressman and Jack Abramoff buddy Bob Ney took a moment to honor a soldier who had been shot six times (“Matt Smith represents some of the best America and Ohio have to offer”). Virginia Foxx of North Carolina honored a volunteer firefighter from her district. John Mica of Florida passed a measure renaming a building in the American diplomatic mission in Jamaica after Colin Powell. There were resolutions about National Campus Safety Awareness Month and National Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Month, and the contributions of African American basketball players were recognized.
There was the Ava Gardner Post Office, a statement honoring a Nevada family whose son died in his sleep, a resolution celebrating the career of Simon Wiesenthal, and so on, and so on.
Finally the gavel pounded and House floor adjourned for the day. But one floor up, in a cramped room full of puke-green chairs, another wing of the House was just opening for business.
SAINTS HAVE THE VATICAN, Jews the Wailing Wall, warriors the fields of Marathon, Stalingrad, Normandy.
Cynics have