The Gum Thief - Douglas Coupland [21]
The young couple looked at each other. Brittany said, “Do you have any white wine?”
“All we have is Scotch. Would you like some Scotch? No wait—we have some gin, too.”
Gloria’s eyes widened; she would never surrender her private stock. Steve recanted: “No, just Scotch.”
Kyle said, “Scotch is fine. On the rocks, please.”
“We’re out of ice cubes.”
“Neat.”
Steve went to fetch the drinks, and Gloria ushered Kyle and Brittany into the living room. “Kyle, your novel is magnificent.”
“Thank you.”
“I read it twice. It deserves all the acclaim it gets, and the huge royalty cheques you receive must sweeten life too.”
Kyle blushed. Brittany said, “He’s just today signed a second book deal.”
Gloria veritably shrieked, half to her guests and half towards the kitchen, “A second book deal! How exciting! I can only imagine how much money it was for.”
Brittany said, “It hits the papers tomorrow, so it won’t be much of a surprise then. Ten million dollars.”
Gloria almost fainted with pleasure. “Ten million dollars?” She called to Steve, coming in from the kitchen. “Young Kyle here is getting $10 million for his second novel.”
“Is he?” It was the most Steve could do not to break a highball glass on the table edge and slit his own throat. “Let’s have a drink, then.”
He passed his guests their glasses and Gloria immediately proposed a toast: “To your $10 million book deal.”
Steve had no choice but to join in the clinking of glasses.
“What is your new novel about?” Gloria asked.
“It’s a modern love story with a twist.”
“A twist? How thrilling.”
“It’s about people who work in an office superstore.”
“An office superstore?” Gloria was confused.
Steve, using the tone of voice adults use when proving to younger people that they know the current hip bands, said, “I was in one today, as a matter of fact. Staples.”
“You didn’t tell me that.” Gloria felt betrayed.
Brittany volunteered a description. “They’re those huge box stores near the freeway off-ramps. They’re everywhere. Staples, Office Depot. Those kinds of places.”
Gloria took on the aspect of someone trying to attach a name to a face at a party. “I . . .”
Steve said, “For God’s sake, Gloria, everyone knows about office superstores.”
“I buy my stationery at that store a few blocks from here. It never occurred to me to go to a . . . an office . . . superstore.”
“You can get tremendous deals at superstores,” said Brittany. “Post-it Notes and reams of bond paper are half the price they are at smaller, non-globalized stores. The aisles are wide. You can shop in comfort and style. They even have entire aisles devoted solely to ballpoint pens.”
Gloria felt out of it. “Tomorrow I’m going to make a point of visiting an office superstore.”
Steve felt like he’d won a small victory, but the smirk on Kyle’s face robbed him of joy. “How’s your drink?” Steve asked.
“It’s fine. I have to go slow on the booze and watch my diet if I’m going to meet my deadline.”
Gloria purred to Kyle, “It must be something to be young, handsome, rich and talented, with a beautiful wife and the future wide open to you. Don’t you think so, Steve?”
Steve replied by fetching more Scotch.
“What are you working on now, Steve?” Kyle asked.
“A new novel.”
“Really?”
“It doesn’t have a title yet.”
Gloria said, “Actually, the book doesn’t exist yet.”
“That’s not true,” Steve said. “I’m well into it.”
“What’s this novel about, then?”
“Curiously, it also takes place in an office superstore.”
“What a coincidence!” said Brittany.
Gloria sniggered.
Kyle was confused. “Really—an office superstore? You’re setting a novel in an office superstore? Are you far along with it?” Kyle asked.
“Oh, you know, a few chapters.”
“Well, I’ll be—”
Gloria said, “Steve, why don’t you give us a reading?”
“I couldn’t possibly do that, Gloria. The book is too young to be released into the world.”
“I see.”
Brittany asked, “Do you spend much time in office superstores, Steve? By the way, I must confess, I’m a fan of your work. Gumdrops, Lilies and Forceps was deeply moving. It changed the way I view fertility