The Host_ A Novel - Stephenie Meyer [118]
I told you it was a bad idea to tell him everything, I reminded her.
What will it do to him now, when we die?
It’s going to be terrible. He’ll be traumatized and scarred and devastated -
Melanie interrupted me. Enough. I know, I know. But what can we do?
Not die, I suppose.
Melanie and I thought about the likelihood of our survival and felt despair.
Ian thumped Jamie on the back-I could feel the motion reverberate through both our bodies.
“Don’t agonize over it, kid,” he said. “You’re not in this alone.”
“They’re just shocked, that’s all.” I recognized Trudy’s alto voice behind me. “Once we get a chance to explain, they’ll see reason.”
“See reason? Kyle?” someone hissed almost unintelligibly.
“We knew this was coming,” Jeb muttered. “Just got to weather it. Storms pass.”
“Maybe you ought to find that gun,” Lily suggested calmly. “Tonight might be a long one. Wanda can stay with Heidi and me -“
“I think it might be better to keep her somewhere else,” Ian disagreed. “Maybe in the southern tunnels? I’ll keep an eye on her. Jeb, wanna lend me a hand?”
“They wouldn’t look for her with me.” Walter’s offer was just a whisper.
Wes spoke over the last of Walter’s words. “I’ll tag along with you, Ian. There’re six of them.”
“No,” I finally managed to choke out. “No. That’s not right. You shouldn’t fight with each other. You all belong here. You belong together. Not fighting, not because of me.”
I pulled Jamie’s arms from around my waist, holding his wrists when he tried to stop me.
“I just need a minute to myself,” I told him, ignoring all the stares I could feel on my face. “I need to be alone.” I turned my head to find Jeb. “And you should have a chance to discuss this without me listening. It’s not fair-having to discuss strategy in front of the enemy.”
“Now, don’t be like that,” Jeb said.
“Let me have some time to think, Jeb.”
I stepped away from Jamie, dropping his hands. A hand fell on my shoulder, and I cringed.
It was just Ian. “It’s not a good idea for you to be wandering around by yourself.”
I leaned toward him and tried to pitch my voice so low that Jamie wouldn’t hear me clearly. “Why prolong the inevitable? Will it get easier or harder for him?”
I thought I knew the answer to my last question. I ducked under Ian’s hand and broke into a run, sprinting for the exit.
“Wanda!” Jamie called after me.
Someone quickly shushed him. There were no footsteps behind me. They must have seen the wisdom of letting me go.
The hall was dark and deserted. If I was lucky, I’d be able to cut around the edge of the big garden plaza in the dark with no one the wiser.
In all my time here, the one thing I’d never found was the way out. It seemed as if I’d been down every tunnel time and again, and I’d never seen an opening I hadn’t eventually explored in search of one thing or another. I thought about it now as I crept through the deepest shadowed corners of the big cave. Where could the exit be? And I thought about this: if I could figure that puzzle out, would I be able to leave?
I couldn’t think of anything worth leaving for-certainly not the desert waiting outside, but also not the Seeker, not the Healer, not my Comforter, not my life before, which had left such a shallow impression on me. Everything that really mattered was with me here. Jamie. Though he would kill me, Jared. I couldn’t imagine walking away from either of them.
And Jeb. Ian. I had friends now. Doc, Trudy, Lily, Wes, Walter, Heath. Strange humans who could overlook what I was and see something they didn’t have to kill. Maybe it was just curiosity, but regardless of that, they were willing to side with me against the rest of their tight-knit family of survivors. I shook my head in wonder as I traced the rough rock with my hands.
I could hear others in the cavern, on the far side from me. I didn’t pause; they could not see me here, and I’d just found the crevice I was looking for.
After all, there was really only one place for me to go. Even if I could somehow have guessed the way to escape, I would still have