The House at Pooh Corner - A. A. Milne [9]
“What happens when the Heffalump comes?” asked Piglet tremblingly, when he had heard the news.
“Perhaps he won’t notice you, Piglet,” said Pooh encouragingly, “because you’re a Very Small Animal.”
“But he’ll notice you, Pooh.”
“He’ll notice me, and I shall notice him,” said Pooh, thinking it out. “We’ll notice each other for a long time, and then he’ll say: ‘Ho-ho!’”
Piglet shivered a little at the thought of that “Ho-ho!” and his ears began to twitch.
“W-what will you say?” he asked.
Pooh tried to think of something he would say, but the more he thought, the more he felt that there is no real answer to “Ho-ho!” said by a Heffalump in the sort of voice this Heffalump was going to say it in.
“I shan’t say anything,” said Pooh at last. “I shall just hum to myself, as if I was waiting for something.”
“Then perhaps he’ll say, ‘Ho-ho!’ again?” suggested Piglet anxiously.
“He will,” said Pooh.
Piglet’s ears twitched so quickly that he had to lean them against the side of the Trap to keep them quiet.
“He will say it again,” said Pooh, “and I shall go on humming. And that will Upset him. Because when you say ‘Ho-ho’ twice, in a gloating sort of way, and the other person only hums, you suddenly find, just as you begin to say it the third time—that—well, you find—”
“What?”
“That it isn’t,” said Pooh.
“Isn’t what?”
Pooh knew what he meant, but, being a Bear of Very Little Brain, couldn’t think of the words.
“Well, it just isn’t,” he said again.
“You mean it isn’t ho-ho-ish any more?” said Piglet hopefully.
Pooh looked at him admiringly and said that that was what he meant—if you went on humming all the time, because you couldn’t go on saying “Ho-ho!” for ever.
“But he’ll say something else,” said Piglet.
“That’s just it. He’ll say: ‘What’s all this?’ And then I shall say—and this is a very good idea, Piglet, which I’ve just thought of—I shall say: ‘It’s a trap for a Heffalump which I’ve made, and I’m waiting for the Heffalump to fall in.’ And I shall go on humming. That will Unsettle him.”
“Pooh!” cried Piglet, and now it was his turn to be the admiring one. “You’ve saved us!”
“Have I?” said Pooh, not feeling quite sure.
But Piglet was quite sure; and his mind ran on, and he saw Pooh and the Heffalump talking to each other, and he thought suddenly, and a little sadly, that it would have been rather nice if it had been Piglet and the Heffalump talking so grandly to each other, and not Pooh, much as he loved Pooh; because he really had more brain than Pooh, and the conversation would go better if he and not Pooh were doing one side of it, and it would be comforting afterwards in the evenings to look back on the day when he answered a Heffalump back as bravely as if the Heffalump wasn’t there. It seemed so easy now. He knew just what he would say:
HEFFALUMP (gloatingly): “Ho-ho!”
PIGLET (carelessly): “Tra-la-la, tra-la-la.”
HEFFALUMP (surprised, and not quite so sure of himself): “Ho-ho!”
PIGLET (more carelessly still): “Tiddle-um-tum, tiddle-um-tum.”
HEFFALUMP (beginning to say Ho-ho and turning it awkwardly into a cough): “H’r’m! What’s all this?”
PIGLET (surprised): “Hullo! This is a trap I’ve made, and I’m waiting for a Heffalump to fall into it.”
HEFFALUMP (greatly disappointed): “Oh!” (after a long silence): “Are you sure?”
PIGLET: “Yes.”
HEFFALUMP: “Oh!” (nervously): “I—I thought it was a trap I’d made to catch Piglets.”
PIGLET (surprised): “Oh, no!”
HEFFALUMP: “Oh!” (apologetically): “I—I must have got it wrong, then.”
PIGLET: “I’m afraid so.” (politely): “I’m sorry.” (He goes on humming.)
HEFFALUMP: “Well—well—I—well. I suppose I’d better be getting back?”
PIGLET (looking up carelessly): “Must you? Well, if you see Christopher Robin anywhere, you might tell him I want him.”
HEFFALUMP (eager to please): “Certainly! Certainly!” (He hurries off)
POOH (who wasn’t going to be there,