The In Death Collection Books 21-25 - J. D. Robb [642]
Another long shot, Eve thought when she ended transmission. But they were starting to pay off.
When Roarke walked in she had to struggle to focus. Her eyes wanted to give up. “Anything?”
“Nothing on the competitor search, nothing that fits cleanly.”
“How about messily?”
“A handful of men who somewhat fit the description who are, in some way, involved in the upper echelons of competitors. No real hits. And a portion of those are out of the country, or off planet. When I take them through the other locations and times, none of them coordinates. I’ve gone down a few levels—supposing one of the lower-rung employees has a hard-on against me or my organization. I’m not finding anything there. And while I was running that, I realized that’s chasing the wild goose.”
“You gotta chase it to catch it.”
“Eve, it’s not my business. It’s not even me that’s the root. It’s you.”
She blinked twice. “I—”
“No, I can see it in your face.” Temper whipped out in the words. “You’re too damn tired to pull it off. This is no surprise to you. Goddamn it to bloody hell. You’ve had this in mind for some time now, and you’ve been fobbing me off with busywork.”
“Whoa. Wait.”
He simply strode over, lifted her right out of the chair. “You’ve no right. None. You knew or you believe that he’s using me because I’m connected to you. You, who connect to him, his first spree, the first investigation.”
“Ease off.”
“I damn well won’t.”
His wrath, hot or cold, was dangerous at the best of times. Add emotional turmoil and brittle fatigue and it was deadly.
“You’d be a target. The biggest jewel in his bloody crown. You’ve had that in your head, and never said, never gave me the courtesy of telling me.”
“Don’t. I’ve had about enough of people telling me I didn’t give them courtesy. This is a murder investigation and I left my etiquette disc at the office. Ease off!”
He just drew her up until she was on her toes. “If I hadn’t been so guilty and distracted, thinking it was something I did, or was, or had that was causing him to take my people, I’d have come to this myself long before. You let me think it.”
“I don’t know if it’s me or if it’s you, but I did know—and boy are you proving it out—that if I told you this possibility, you’d go off.”
“So you lied to me.”
Her fury bloomed, so ripe and real at the accusation she had to fight, viciously, to stop herself from punching him. “I did not lie to you.”
“By omission.” He dropped her back on her feet. “I thought we trusted each other more than this.”
“Fuck it. Just fuck it.” She sat down, pressed her hands to her head. “Maybe I’m screwing up, right, left, back, forth. Feeney, you. I do trust you, and if I haven’t shown you that by now with every goddamn thing I have, I don’t know how else to do it.”
“Mentioning this bloody business might’ve done the job.”
“I needed to think it through. It never really occurred to me until Mira brought it up. And that was just today. I haven’t had time to think, goddamn it. I haven’t even run the probability yet.”
“Run it now.”
She dropped her hands, looked up at him. Her own temper had fizzled like a wet fuse, and all that was left were the soggy dregs.
“I can’t take it. You’ve got to know, however spineless it is, I can’t take it if you slap me back, too. I can’t take it from both of you in one day. I wasn’t trying to hurt either of you. I was just doing my job the best I know how. I wasn’t keeping this from you, I just hadn’t…assimilated it yet.”
“Or figured out how to use it, if your assimilation indicated it had merit.”
“Yes. If it has merit, I will use it. You know that if you know me.”
“I know that, yes.” He turned away, walked to her windows.
“There was a time I wouldn’t have had anyone to consult on a decision. There was a time,” she continued, “I wouldn’t have considered it necessary to take anyone’s thoughts or feelings into account in any decision I made. That’s not true anymore. When I’d thought it through, when I’d come up with ideas or options, I would have told you. I wouldn’t have moved forward without telling you.”
True enough,