The Informers - Bret Easton Ellis [50]
The city is so quiet though. Especially compared to New York. And everything seems so clean and to move so much more slowly in a very relaxed way. But yet I don’t feel too safe here yet. I feel vulnerable—like I’m in this big open environment. But my grandparents assure me that it’s pretty safe and they live in supposedly the best part of Bel Air so I don’t need to worry. Just the same I’m so used to my padded little Manhattan-Camden existence that being here seems like a real shock. I look at all these people roaming around: the beautiful, healthy, tan men and the elegant women and everyone drives a Mercedes and it’s just so hard to describe it.
All in all I feel happier and more free than I have in a long, long time. And I am so glad that I came. I think it’s an incredibly healthy move. I think it’s a good thing that I took a term off and came out here.
“I’m just a million miles away,” the Plimsouls are singing on KROQ and I have to think that songs sometimes are uncannily appropriate. I really am so far away from everything. But it’s a good feeling. I’m going to be out here until February, which means I’ll be back at school in March. I’m going to be helping my grandfather at the studio a lot and reading scripts and stuff like that (I’m pretty excited) and I guess I’ll be going down to Malibu and hanging around Palm Springs (I’m glad that there are a couple of places I can get away to if I ever tire of L.A. which I can’t possibly imagine). Well, I’ll hope you write me back. I really would love to hear from you. I’d appreciate it a lot.
Love,
Anne
Sept 9 1983
Dear Sean,
Hello! I thought of you at Camden today. Hanging out at the Café, chain-smoking, getting your classes together. Is it going all right for you there or is “grace under pressure” still an apt phrase? I worry about you which is pretty silly of me but then again I worry about a lot of things so it’s not necessarily out of context. So—how are you? How is it back at school? Who are you hanging out with? What classes are you taking? Have you been forced to wear your Wayfarers a lot? (God knows, I have!) Has anything changed? Are you okay? As you can tell, I’m full of questions, Sean. I really, really hope you write me. I’m dreadfully sorry if my little infatuation bothered you. I get so caught up in things that I simply lose all perspective. But even before I got all infatuated with you I was still fond of you, and I would hate to lose your friendship because of … whatever. I know we really don’t know each other that well and because of how busy we were at Camden we couldn’t talk a whole lot. I still hope you and I can became better acquainted (sp?). What I guess I mean is that there are things I want to know about you. I don’t know. I wish you’d write.
I’m still having a great time. At least I think I am. I feel so relaxed that it’s hard to say for sure. I’m sitting out by the pool now. I have the beginnings of a tan—and believe it or not I’ve cut down on my smoking! I’m getting healthy. Can you totally, like, believe it? (That’s L.A.