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By Root 935 0

a fancy hotel. Wolf had trouble with the key but the door finally opened. Phoebe caught a blur of velvet and gold as they made for the bed, but the shades were drawn. The moment they were naked she took Wolf into her mouth, something she hadn’t dared try because it scared her—there seemed a danger of choking or damage to the throat but now that very fear egged her on, she wanted something more. Phoebe shut her eyes, taking long slow pulls. Wolf lay very still beneath her. After each breath he would wait a long time before taking another, until suddenly he shuddered, crying out so violently that Phoebe was certain she’d damaged him—she pulled away, her mouth filled with a very strong taste, not bad exactly but strong, too strong; she swallowed quickly to be rid of it. But the taste stayed in her mouth, and for some reason Phoebe began to cry and stretched beside Wolf, sobbing. He lay like a corpse. When finally Phoebe looked at him she saw tears running from the corners of his eyes, a steady flow like something leaking accidentally from inside him. His chest shook when he breathed, but he kept his eyes closed and said nothing. They lay that way for some time. There was a feeling in the air of hopelessness. Yet even now, even amidst that hopelessness, Phoebe still wanted more; she was two people, one despairing, the other greedy and low, overjoyed when Wolf roused himself and moved down to stroke her with his mouth—the sensations were murderous, unbearable, she came almost instantly, like being smacked in the head and losing consciousness. Afterward she lay as if broken, the words “sickness unto death” drifting through her mind from someplace; she was drifting free of everything now, even Wolf. Thank God for these moments of calm, although they never lasted long enough; soon the inevitable pounding started up again like a toothache, faintly at first but mounting steadily until she and Wolf clung to each other and he pushed himself inside her, both of them gasping slightly at the rawness of their flesh.

Afterward they lay flung together. The bedspread smelled of orange peels. Phoebe wondered if there was a potpourri somewhere.

“This is bad,” Wolf said without strength. Phoebe nodded. She felt as if someone else had abused them, a reckless, insatiable third party.

“I feel crazy,” Wolf said, his voice flat. “I swear to God.”

Phoebe looked at the room. It was full of shadows.

“I love you,” Wolf said. “I love you, Phoebe.” He’d never said this before, although Phoebe had said it to him, many times. He was watching her with a slightly crazy look, yet at the same time he seemed attentive to something else, like a noise in the hallway. Phoebe listened, but heard only the vague beginnings of that pounding deep within herself, like evil footsteps making their approach, and it frightened her now, her whole body hurt and she didn’t want any more but she did; some part of her was always empty.

“I love you,” Wolf said, between kisses. “Phoebe, I love you.” They moved together sorrowfully, with apology almost, like strangers consoling each other in the midst of a crisis.

A drenching sleep overcame them. When they woke, it was well past dark. The day had gone, leaving Phoebe with a panicky sense of having missed something important. They discussed whether to drive back now, in darkness, or wait until morning. The prospect of a long drive at this hour was dismal, but even more dismal was the thought of remaining overnight without toothbrushes or changes of clothes. A mood of failure hung in the room like a smell. Phoebe was anxious to confine it within the present day, keep it from touching tomorrow.

They would go back, they decided. Back to their home, such as it was.

Moroccan tiles glazed the bathroom. Big soft towels were folded over rods. “How much does this place cost?” Phoebe asked.

“The beauty of credit cards,” Wolf said. “I have no idea.”

“We’re paying for the whole night, aren’t we?” she said. “Even if we leave.”

Wolf smiled haggardly. “I’d say we’ve gotten our money’s worth.”

In the shower they gently soaped each other