The Jesuit Guide To (Almost) Everything - James Martin [147]
The First Method reminds us that no decision leads to the perfect outcome. Each outcome is a mixed bag. Listing the positives and negatives frees you from the idea that a good decision means choosing perfection.
Fifth, now that you have your lists, pray about them and see which way your reason inclines. Eventually you will come to a choice that brings some peace. But there is a further step.
Sixth, ask for some sort of confirmation from God that this is the right decision.
Confirmation should be sought in every decision. And Ignatius expected that one will experience confirmation of the “rightness of our choice,” as Lonsdale says. This may mean the experience of consolation as described above, or simply the feeling of being at peace with yourself and God. A poor choice would more likely lead to feelings of desolation or agitation, as if we had somehow taken a wrong turn. As Michael Ivens notes, “We pray for confirmation in order to be as sure of doing God’s will as it is given us to be; and to counter the tendency in us to opt for hasty closure.”
Ivens reminds us that we should be satisfied with whatever confirmation we receive. Even if it’s simple. “This may in the end be simply the negative confirmation that nothing comes up to call our decision into question.”
That’s not to say that a good decision won’t stir you up. If you decide to move, there will be lots to do. And everyone feels some buyer’s remorse. You may feel some anxiety as you think about all the responsibilities a new house entails. But if, deep down, you feel consolation, you feel peace, you feel you’re headed in the right direction, it’s probably a good choice.
Sometimes confirmation comes in a more dramatic way. Sometimes the clarity might even make you smile. My longtime friend Chris was thinking of leaving his old job as an investment manager in a large corporation. He had been offered a new position at a midsize university, his alma mater, managing their investment portfolio. Chris had come to the brink of accepting the new job, but something seemed to hold him back.
The morning he had to give his decision to the university, he turned on his computer. Chris is a faithful member of the United Church of Christ and reads an online devotional each day, a short reflection on Scripture and faith. This morning he flipped on his computer and went to the devotional Web site that he turns to every morning. The heading for that day was: Time to Leave.
Maybe the Lord has sent this message into your life at this time to give you one more encouragement to obey his leading you to let go of something safe and follow him into something bigger and better, but largely unknown.
Chris had his confirmation. He laughed when he recounted the story and said, “Isn’t it nice when God is direct?”
But most of the time God is not so clear. So be content with what confirmation God gives you.
Confirmation also needs to be found outside of you. It’s not just about how you feel or even the feeling of “rightness.” In Jesuit life, if you make a decision and the superior does not reach the same decision, you can say that ultimately it was not confirmed. For most people the confirmation also comes from testing it out.
Here’s an example: Let’s say you’ve decided to confront your manager about his tirades at work. You’ve carefully discerned that you will speak to him during your annual job performance evaluation. But on that very morning you discover that your boss is in a foul mood and has just exploded in anger at a coworker. It doesn’t seem like your decision to confront him today has received confirmation. But it may be as simple as waiting a few days. Just because you’ve discerned doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t look to reality for some real-life confirmation. As one Jesuit said, “Trust your heart but use your head, too.”
All this does not mean that you’ve made a bad