The Jesuit Guide To (Almost) Everything - James Martin [151]
The enemy will move you in the other direction, acting like the drop of water on the stone. Uh oh! you think suddenly, I’ve never done anything like this! It’s too hard! Frequently this comes as a sudden, disorienting fear. It is characteristic of the evil spirit, says Ignatius, to “cause gnawing anxiety, to sadden, and to set up obstacles. In this way he unsettles these persons by false reasons aimed at preventing their progress.”
Why do good and evil spirits work in opposite ways depending on the state of one’s soul? Here’s Ignatius’s homey explanation: “The reason for this is the fact that the disposition of the soul is either similar to or different from the respective spirits who are entering. When the soul is different, they enter with perceptible noise and are quickly noticed. When the soul is similar, they enter silently, like those who go into their own house by an open door.”
Another discernment dyad I like to use is what-ifs and if-onlys. For the person trying to do good, the evil spirit discourages you with what-ifs and if-onlys. Let’s say that you’ve started to volunteer at a local shelter. Suddenly you have a frightening thought: Oh no! What if I get sick working with all of those poor people? What if one of them attacks me? What if the staff thinks I’m too inexperienced? Those what-ifs lead to a dead end. The enemy proposes only the worst about the future, which is unknowable. That’s the evil spirit causing “gnawing anxiety,” and it should be avoided.
If-onlys focus our worries on the past. You might be derailed by thinking, If only I had started this years ago! If only I hadn’t wasted so much time! If only I had thought about the poor earlier! The evil spirit is causing “gnawing anxiety,” this time centered on the past. That’s a dead end as well: the past cannot be changed. Ignore that feeling, too.
Sometimes what-ifs and if-onlys can help us dream, or they can move us to sorrow for our sins. But when they move you toward fear, prevent you from moving ahead in healthy ways, lead to dead ends, and “cause gnawing anxiety,” they are most likely not coming from God.
Finally, you might look carefully at the “pushes” and “pulls,” too. One of my spiritual directors, Damian, said that when you feel pushed to do something—I should do this, I should do that—out of a sense of crushing and lifeless obligation or a desire to please everyone, it may not be coming from God. David Donovan used to call this “shoulding all over yourself.” (Read it aloud and the pun becomes obvious.)
God’s “pulls,” on the other hand—gentle invitations that beckon in love—feel different. Sometimes an obligation is an obligation, and you need to do it in order to be a good and moral person. But be careful your life is not simply one in which you only respond to shoulds or pushes that may not be coming from God.
No Changes in Desolation
Another tip: “During a time of desolation one should never make a change,” says Ignatius. Why not? Because when you are feeling distant from God and experiencing desolation (gnawing anxiety, etc.), you are more inclined to be guided by the evil spirit. When feeling abandoned by God, you are more likely to say, “This is useless!” and change course. Or ask despairingly, “What’s the use?” and give up. Don’t do it. To allow yourself to be led by desolation, says Michael Ivens, is to be drawn into “downward momentum.”
This makes sense, doesn’t it? If someone told you that he was miserable, couldn’t think straight, and was completely despairing, would you say that this is a good time for him to make a big decision? Of course not. He’s not thinking clearly. “Don’t make decisions when you’re freaking out,” is another way of saying it. You’re more likely to be guided by unhealthy motives. Yet people do that all the time—out of desperation. Resist that urge.
What’s more, says Ignatius, when you are in desolation you should do the following: pray and meditate even more; embark on