The Jesuit Guide To (Almost) Everything - James Martin [159]
Likewise, can you wait for something to surface? Sometimes when your glass is still, something will rise up from the bottom, a small bubble, a little leaf or even a tiny fish. Maybe this is what God wants you to see. Can you let your dreams and desires rise to the surface?
Also using the analogy of the stream, David Lonsdale reminds us in Eyes to See, Ears to Hear that often what is most important is not on the surface of the stream. “The surface of a fast-flowing river is often broken by waves and eddies in which the water seems to rush off in all directions and even contrary to the main flow; while underneath all this busyness there is a constant, steady current which can be felt more strongly below the surface where the river is deepest.”
Looking back on your life, to see where you’ve been drawn, can also lead to the uncovering of desires. Or you can take an opposite tack: the question that enabled me to see my vocation looked ahead not backward. After months of wondering about the Jesuits, the psychologist asked me to imagine a brand-new life without thinking about the past. “If you could do anything you wanted,” he asked, “what would it be?” That forward-looking question surfaced an answer that was buried under a lot of life’s sediment. When the glass cleared, the answer rose to the surface.
What would your answer be to that question? And is there a realistic way to move at least a little closer to the answer?
A less metaphorical way to think about these questions is by using some of the key images from Ignatian discernment that we looked at in the last chapter: Imagine yourself on your deathbed. Imagine yourself before God. Imagine giving advice to someone in a similar situation.
Try These Questions
Using Ignatian themes, Margaret Silf asks you to consider the following questions, when asking, “What do you really want?” This is from her book Wise Choices:
Now take a look at the deeper level of desiring: Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never managed? What are your unfinished dreams? If you had your life over again, what would you change? If you only had a few months to live, how would you use the time? If a significant sum of money came your way, how would you spend it? If you were granted three wishes, what would they be? Is there anyone, or anything, for whom you would literally give your life?
Take time to ponder one or more of these questions. The responses you make to yourself—provided they are honest answers and not just the answers you feel you ought to give—will be pointers to where your deepest desires are rooted.
Look closely, taking time to reflect on what you find. There may be patterns in your desiring that help you more fully understand who you are.
Like any desires, these must be tested.Just because I desire to be an opera star doesn’t mean that I can be one, especially if I cannot sing! This is where the Ignatian goal of confirmation enters, as we discussed in the last chapter. You need to look not only at your desires, your prayer, and the fruits of your discernment, but also at the “reality of the situation.”
So you reflect on your desires in terms of your everyday life. As Chris Lowney told me, “Sometimes people are given guidance that is too romantic when it comes to career or vocation. These ideas of ‘follow your bliss’ or that your calling is ‘where the world’s deep need and your deep hunger come together’ can be misleading. These notions are valuable, but that’s not the only ingredient in figuring out what to do. Every decision has to do with interests and needs but also circumstances and talents.”
Vocation is not simply about one’s desire or one’s idea of the world’s needs, but also a reality that sometimes does not exactly conform to our desires. Trust your heart, but use your head.
“I might feel drawn to be a baseball player, but there’s no way!” said Lowney.