The Jesuit Guide To (Almost) Everything - James Martin [41]
The second step in the examen is asking for the grace to “know my sins,” to see where you have turned away from the deepest part of yourself, the part that calls you to God. Where did you act contrary to your better judgment or to God’s voice inside you, to the divine spark within? Perhaps during a mean-spirited conversation about a coworker you contributed your own snotty remark. Perhaps you treated someone in your family or at work without the respect everyone deserves. Perhaps you ignored someone who was truly in need.
Reflecting on your sinfulness sounds like an unhealthy outgrowth of the stereotypical Catholic emphasis on guilt. But today guilt may be undervalued. The voice of our conscience, which tells us we did something wrong and moves us to make amends, is a voice that can lead us to become more loving and, ultimately, happier. In his diaries, Peter Favre, one of the early Jesuits, when speaking about his sins, calls it a “certain good spirit” that moves him to remorse.
When thinking about your sins, you might consider a helpful idea from my moral theology professor, James F. Keenan, S.J.
Father Keenan observed that, in the New Testament, when Jesus condemns people for sinful behavior, he typically does not condemn weak people who are trying to do better, that is, public sinners struggling to make amends. Time and again Jesus reaches out to people who are ready to change and invites them to conversion.
More often, Jesus condemns the “strong” who could help if they wanted, but don’t bother to do so. In the famous parable of the Good Samaritan, those who pass by the poor man along the road are fully able to help him, but simply don’t bother. Sin, in Father Keenan’s words, is often a “failure to bother.”
St. Francis Xavier on the Examen
Twice a day, or at least once, make your particular examens. Be careful never to omit them. So live as to make more account of your own good conscience than you do of those of others; for he who is not good in regard to himself, how can he be good in regard to others?
This insight can help you see where you failed to respond to God’s invitation in your day. Where did you fail to bother? Where could you have been more loving? Perhaps you neglected to help a friend who needed just a few minutes of your time, or a sick relative hoping for a friendly phone call. You could have, but you didn’t—you failed to bother. This is a new way of meditating on what theologians call “sins of omission.”
Does reviewing your sins still seem a manifestation of the worst stereotypes of Christianity? Well, an admission of our own sinfulness, or our inability to do what is right, helps not only to move us closer to God, but also to become more loving people. We are also able to see more clearly our need for God, who invites us to grow in love, no matter how many times we take a step backward. This second step of the examen reminds us of our humility. We become more aware of the way that we hurt others and can move away from those parts of ourselves that prevent others from loving us back.
That is, as long as you don’t get mired in guilt. An awareness of your sins can be an invitation to growth but also a trap. Sometimes guilt mistakenly leads a person to believe either that he cannot be forgiven by God or that sinfulness makes him worthless. This leads to despair, a sure sign of moving away from God. All of us struggle with sin, all of us must seek forgiveness from God and others, yet all of us are still loved by God—more than we can ever imagine. Jesus’ parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11–32), where the father not only forgives the wayward son but lavishes him with love, captures some of this insight, expressed in Ignatian spirituality as the “loved sinner.” Guilt is a means to an end, not the end of the story.
Awareness of one’s sinfulness is important for spiritual growth. This is why Anthony de Mello wrote, “Be grateful for your sins. They are carriers