The Jesuit Guide To (Almost) Everything - James Martin [49]
The next day was more pleasant than anticipated. For one thing, silence wasn’t all that difficult. For another, the novelty of possibly entering religious life was still fresh, so I could imagine myself as a silent, holy, humble Jesuit as I paced the marble floors of Campion Center and strolled the spacious grounds, carrying a Bible. After six years in a stressful corporate environment, the opportunity to lie out on the grass, read books, and work on my tan was welcome.
The next day I told Ron how relaxing the day had been. At the end of our conversation, Ron said, “Why don’t you spend some time over the next day thinking about who God is.”
Aha! A trick! The Jesuits were fiendishly clever, or so I had heard. Evidently, they were testing my religious education, to ascertain if I knew enough to be a good priest.
That afternoon I lay down on the broad lawn beside the retreat house and tried to figure out how I should describe God. Let’s see, I thought, God is:
1. Creator
2. Love
3. Almighty
Though almighty was more of an adjective, I figured this was an impressive list. The next afternoon I presented to Ron my answers, which I hoped would cement his appreciation for my awesome intellect. “Okay,” Ron said, leaning back slightly in his rocking chair. He chatted about my list but, sadly, seemed unimpressed with my theological acumen. Then he said, “Maybe today you could spend your time thinking about who Jesus is.”
Another trick—more devious than the first one! “Well, Jesus is God,” I said. “Right?”
I expected Ron to congratulate me on slipping through his Jesuitical trap. Instead he said, “Well, that’s true. But why don’t you think about who Jesus is for you. In your own life.”
After lunch I stretched out on the soft grass under the sun, and came up with a new list. Jesus was:
1. Savior
2. Messiah
3. Prince of Peace
I finished in ten minutes and settled back to work on my tan.
Suddenly a word popped into my mind: friend. Jesus was a friend. That was something I had never thought of before. Nor did I remember anyone’s suggesting it to me. Or, if they did, I hadn’t paid much attention.
For a few minutes I lay on my back, peered into the cloudless blue sky, and imagined what it would be like to have Jesus as a friend.
If Jesus were my friend, he would be happy to listen to me. He would celebrate with me over my successes and be sad with me over my disappointments. He would want the best for me. And he would want to spend time with me and hear about my life.
Then I wondered what Jesus of Nazareth was really like. Of course I had heard the Gospel readings during Mass, understood something about his life, and knew about his miracles and his resurrection, but now I wondered what he was like as a person. What was it like for the apostles to hang around with Jesus? It must have been wonderful to be around him, to have him give you support, to answer your questions. It felt good, comforting, even exciting, to think about Jesus like this. I started to think about wanting him as a friend.
Then, with a start, I realized I was being distracted from the real reason I was supposed to be thinking about this. Dutifully I forced myself to return to my list. What else should I add?
Jesus was also:
4. Good Shepherd
5. Judge
6. Lamb of God (whatever that was)
The next morning I ticked off my list for Ron. He listened patiently and then chatted with me about those images.
As a guilty afterthought, I added, “You know, the funniest thing popped into my mind. For a moment I thought about Jesus as a friend. For some reason, I thought about the apostles and imagined them spending time with Jesus. It felt good to think about Jesus as a friend. It made me happy.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I was horrified. Surely Ron would accuse me of wasting time. I waited for the inevitable reproach. And I wondered if he would