The Jesuit Guide To (Almost) Everything - James Martin [52]
But that still seemed to leave out God’s role. What was God doing while we were looking lovingly at the real? It seemed too static, as if we were just looking and not much more.
St. Teresa of Ávila said that prayer is conversation with God. That definition seemed to fill in some of the gaps, since it emphasized the relational aspect of things: prayer was a two-way street.
But St. Teresa’s definition raised almost as many questions as it answered. If it was a conversation, was I supposed to hear voices? How was I supposed to listen to God? How was I supposed to converse with God? That might work for a mystic like Teresa, but what about an average believer like me?
In essence, my question about prayer was the same as it is for many newcomers: what happens when you close your eyes? Thanks to some wise Jesuits, I would soon find out.
Chapter Six
Friendship with God
Father Barry’s Insight
WHEN MY CONFUSION PEAKED, David gave me a short book called God and You: Prayer as a Personal Relationship by William Barry, the popular spiritual writer and former provincial superior of the Jesuits in New England. The key insight of this marvelous book is that prayer is like a personal relationship with God, which can be fruitfully compared to a relationship with another person.
Obviously that’s an imperfect analogy. After all, none of our friends created the universe ex nihilo. And prayer is not simply the relationship itself, but also the way that the relationship is expressed. Perhaps you could say that prayer is the conversation that happens in a personal relationship with God.
But Father Barry’s general point was revelatory: the way you think about friendships can help you think about, and deepen, your relationship with God.
At first blush Barry’s insight sounds strange. But if we look at what makes a healthy friendship, we’ll see that some of the same traits help make for a good relationship with God. So I’ll use Barry’s work as a jumping-off point to talk about prayer. What makes for a good friendship makes for a good relationship with God, and that makes for good prayer. So what are we invited to do in our relationship with God?
SPENDING TIME
A friendship flourishes when you spend time with your friend. So also with your relationship with God. You wouldn’t say that you are someone’s friend if you never spend any time with her. Yet some people do that with God. Some believers say, “God is the most important thing in my life!” But when you ask how much time they spend with God in an intentional way, they will admit that it’s not much.
What kind of relationship do you have if you never carve out time for the other person? One that is superficial and unsatisfying for both parties. That’s why prayer, or intentional time with God, is important if you want a relationship, a friendship, with God.
That’s not to say that the only way to spend time with God is through private prayer. As you know by now, one hallmark of Jesuit spirituality is “finding God in all things.” You can find God through worship services, reading, work, family—everything, really.
But, as with any friendship, sometimes you need to spend time one on one with God. Just as sometimes you need to block out time to spend with a good friend, you need to do the same with God, and to let God do this with you—assuming you want to sustain and deepen your relationship. As the Book of Amos says, “Do two walk together unless they have made an appointment?” (3:3).
Seeing friends on the fly or at work or in groups is fine, but from time to time you need to give a friend undivided attention. Prayer is like that: being attentive to God. How much time