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Not meeting the president of her own United fifty States was absolutely and positively THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED. Her whole family, including her brother, the human flag, was going to Washington, D.C., while she, Judy Moody, would be listening to a talking tooth.

It was pouring outside. Judy’s dad would not let her leave for school without an umbrella, and the only one she could find was her first-grade yellow ducky one. She wouldn’t open a baby umbrella, so she got soaked clear through. The sun is probably shining over the president’s house this second, thought Judy. She felt like a bike left out in the rain.

“Frank wants to come over after school too,” Rocky told her on the bus. “And I have a brand new ten-dollar bill from Nay-Nay. We can go to Vic’s after school and buy something really rare.”

“Do they have any real gold at Vic’s?” was all she said.

In Spelling, Judy wrote WEASELS when Mr. Todd had really said MEASLES. In Science, when Jessica Finch threw Judy the ball of yarn for their giant spider web, she dropped it. It rolled out the door just when Ms. Tuxedo, the principal, walked past in high heels. And at the Brush Your Teeth Week assembly, Mr. Tooth picked Judy to be a cavity. On stage. In front of the whole school.

She could not get her mind off Stink at the president’s house, where she wasn’t. Seeing all that real gold. Would he get to shake the president’s hand? Meet the president’s daughters? Sit in a gold chair?

“Are flags allowed to talk?” she asked Frank.

“Only if they’re talking flags!”

That did it. There would be no living with Stink once he had been to the president’s.

On the bus ride home, Rocky squirted Frank with his magic nickel. Frank snorted, wiping the drips on his sleeve. Judy pretended it was funny. Really she was thinking, Stink could be petting the president’s puppy, right now, this very instant. When Rocky said, “I can’t wait to go to Vic’s,” Judy grunted.

The three of them half-ran through leftover puddles all the way to Vic’s. Rocky didn’t even stop to cross through China and Japan the right way. “What’s the big hurry?” she asked.

“I need something,” said Rocky, “but there’s only one left, and I want to make sure I get it!” he said. When they got to Vic’s, Rocky went straight to the counter.

“Over here,” Rocky told them. “There’s still one left!”

Judy stood on tiptoes to look in a box on top of the counter. Lying in the bottom was . . . a hand. A person’s hand! Judy almost screamed. Frank almost screamed too. Then they realized it was made out of rubber.

“What do you think?” asked Rocky.

“Rare,” said Judy.

“Ace,” said Frank. “It looks so real. Fingernails and everything!”

Rocky bought the hand and three fireballs.

“What are you going to do with your hand?” Frank asked.

“I don’t know,” said Rocky. “I just like it.”

When they got to Rocky’s house, Judy tried to work on her Me collage. But she was not in a FUNNIEST THING EVER mood. All the funny stuff that had ever happened to her seemed to have gotten up and left. Marched right out of her brain like a line of ants from a picnic.

Rocky showed Judy and Frank his finished collage. “Here’s Thomas Jefferson in the window of my house for WHERE I LIVE. I cut him out of play money.”

“That’s good!” said Frank. “For Jefferson Street.”

“The piece of cloth is part of my sling from when I broke my arm, THE WORST THING EVER.”

“And here’s a toilet paper roll for the T. P. Club, a secret club I’m in,” Rocky said, glancing at Judy.

“What kind of club has toilet paper?” asked Frank.

“If I tell you, it won’t be a secret,”

“Who’s this?” Frank asked Rocky, pointing to a lizard.

“Houdini, MY FAVORITE PET.”

“And who’s that guy, walking through a brick wall?” Frank asked.

“That’s my favorite part. My mom made a copy of a picture of the real Harry Houdini from a library book.”

Judy touched a clump of garlic. “Are you trying to scare away vampires or something?”

“That’s from one time when I ate a whole thing of garlic by mistake. THE