The Killing Dance - Laurell K. Hamilton [103]
“Last time we had this talk, you said you’d kill Richard.”
“If that is all that is stopping you, ma petite, have no fear. I will not kill Richard merely because you go to his bed and not mine.”
“Since when?” I asked.
“When I threw my support to Richard, Marcus became my enemy. That cannot be changed.” He leaned his shoulder against the dark wooden bedpost closest to me. “I had thought to petition another pack. There is always an ambitious alpha male out there somewhere. Someone who would like his own pack but either through sentimentality or lack of strength is doomed to play second forever. I could kill Richard and bring someone else in to kill Marcus.”
I listened to his plan told so matter-of-factly. “What changed your mind?”
“You.”
“Come again?”
“You love him, ma petite. You truly love him. His death would destroy something inside of you. When Julianna died, I thought I would never feel for anyone again. And I didn’t, until I met you.”
“You won’t kill Richard because it would hurt me?”
“Oui.”
“So I could tell Richard when he gets here that I’ve chosen him, and you would let us go off, get married, whatever?”
“Isn’t there one hurdle to your marriage besides myself?” he asked.
“What?”
“You must see him change into wolf form.” Jean-Claude smiled and shook his head. “If Richard was human, you would meet at the door with a smile and a yes. But you fear what he is. He is not human enough for you, ma petite.”
“He isn’t human enough for himself,” I said.
Jean-Claude raised his eyebrows. “Yes, Richard runs from his beast, as you have run from me. But Richard shares a body with his beast. He cannot outrun it.”
“I know that.”
“Richard is still running, ma petite. And you run with him. If you were secure that you could accept him, all of him, you would have done it by now.”
“He keeps finding excuses not to change for me.”
“He fears your reaction,” Jean-Claude said.
“It’s more than that,” I said. “If I can embrace his beast, I’m not sure he’ll be able to accept me.”
Jean-Claude cocked his head to one side. “I do not understand.”
“He hates what he is so badly. I think if I can accept his beast, he won’t . . . he won’t love me anymore.”
“Being able to embrace his beast would make you what . . . perverse?”
I nodded. “I think so.”
“You are trapped on the horns of a nasty dilemma, ma petite. He will not make love to you or marry you until you have seen and accepted his beast. Yet if you accept it, you fear he will turn from you.”
“Yeah.”
He shook his head. “Only you could choose two men in one human lifetime that are this confusing.”
“I didn’t do it on purpose.”
He pushed away from the bed. He stopped two small steps from me, staring down. “I tried to play the mortal for you, ma petite. But Richard is much better at being human than I am. I have not been truly human for so very long. If I cannot be the better man, let me be the better monster.”
My eyes narrowed. “What’s that suppose to mean?”
“It means, ma petite, that Jason told me of what happened this afternoon. I know how close you and Richard came.”
How much had the lycanthropes been able to hear? More than I was comfortable with, that was for sure. “I just love being spied on.”
“Do not be flippant, ma petite, please.”
It was the please that got me. “I’m listening.”
“I told you once that if Richard could touch you and I could not, it would not be fair. That is still true.”
I pushed away from the door. He’d stepped over the line. “Are you asking me to let you touch me where Richard touched me?”
He smiled. “Such righteous indignation, ma petite. But have no fear. Forcing myself upon you in such a way would smack of rape. I have never been interested in such things.”
I took a step back, putting a little space between us. Unless I was really angry, it was never good to get that close. “So, what are you saying?”
“You have always forbidden me to use vampire tricks, as you call them, with you.” He held a hand up before I could say it. “I do not mean bespelling you with my eyes. I am not even sure that is possible anymore.