The Land of Painted Caves - Jean M. Auel [381]
“Some of us were trying to find a way to give you every opportunity. Some thought, or hoped, that it wasn’t intentional. They wanted to make sure that you hadn’t fooled yourself in your strong desire to become One Who Serves … until Ayla brought this to us. You would not have become zelandoni, in any case, but you might have remained an acolyte, Madroman. Now, that is no longer possible. The Great Earth Mother doesn’t want to be served by a liar and a cheat,” the powerful woman said in tones that left no doubt about her feelings. “Kemordan, leader of the Fifth Cave of the Zelandonia,” the First continued, “will you and your Cave bear witness?”
“We will,” he replied.
“We will,” said the Cave in unison.
“Madroman of the Fifth Cave of the Zelandonii, former acolyte,” the First intoned, “you may never again put yourself out as a member of the zelandonia, not as an acolyte or in any other manner. You may never again attempt to treat someone’s illness, or offer advice about the ways of the Mother, or in any way assume the duties of the zelandonia. Do you understand?”
“But what am I supposed to do now? That’s all I’ve trained for. I don’t know how to be anything but an acolyte,” Madroman said.
“If you return everything you have received from the zelandonia, you can go back to your Cave and think about learning some other craft, Madroman. And be grateful I am not imposing a fine and announcing it to the whole Camp.”
“They’ll all find out anyway,” Madroman said, then raising his voice, “You were never going to let me be a Zelandoni. You’ve always hated me. You and Jondalar, and your little favorite, Ayla, the Flathead lover. You’ve been out to get me from the beginning … Zolena.”
There was a gasp from the Fifth Cave. Not one of them would have dared to be so disrespectful to the One Who Was First as to call her by her former name. Most would have been afraid to. Even Madroman paused in his tirade when he saw the expression on the face of the First. She was, after all, a woman of formidable powers.
He turned on his heel and stomped away, not sure what he was going to do as he headed for the fa’lodge he had sometimes shared with Laramar, Brukeval, and the rest. It was empty when he got there. Most camps were serving meals after the long meeting, and the rest of the men had gone to find something to eat. It suddenly came to him that neither Laramar or Brukeval would be back at all. Laramar would be a long time recovering, and who knew what Brukeval would do. Madroman walked over and took a small waterbag of barma from Laramar’s traveling pack. He sat down on the sleeping roll and drank most of it down in a few gulps, then took a second one. Laramar will never know, he thought.
It’s all the fault of that big dolt who knocked my teeth out. Madroman felt the hole in the front of his mouth with his tongue. He had learned to compensate for it, and didn’t think about his missing teeth much anymore, though it had hurt when he was younger and women ignored him because of it. He’d since discovered that certain women were interested in him when they learned he was part of the zelandonia, even just an acolyte in training. None of those women would want him now. He flushed at the thought of his disgrace, and opened the second waterbag full of barma.
Why did Jondalar have to come back? he said to himself. If Jondalar hadn’t returned from his Journey and brought that foreign woman here, she wouldn’t have found that sack. Then the zelandonia never would have known, I don’t care what that fat old woman says. I don’t really want to go back to the Fifth Cave now, and I don’t want to learn another trade. Why should I? I’m as good a Zelandoni as any of them, and I doubt that they’ve all been called, either. I’ll bet a lot of them fake it. What is a call anyway? They probably all fake it. Even that Flathead lover. So what if she lost a baby. Women lose babies all the time. What’s so special about that?
He took another drink, glanced over at Brukeval’s place, then got up and walked over. Everything was there, neatly