The Last Chronicle of Barset [129]
not wise, she is at any rate clever.'
'Nevertheless, I do not like her,' said John Eames.
'Then why do you go there?'
'One has to be civil to people though they are neither pretty nor wise. I don't mean to insinuate that Miss Demolines is particularly bad, or indeed that she is worse than young ladies in general. I only abused her because there was an insinuation in what you said, that I was going to amuse myself with Miss Demolines in the absence of Miss Dale. The one thing has nothing to do with the other thing. Nothing that I shall say to Miss Demolines will at all militate against my loyalty to Lily.'
'All right, old fellow;--I didn't mean to put you on your purgation. I want you to look at that sketch. Do you know for whom it is intended?' Johnny took up a scrap of paper, and having scrutinised it for a minute or two declared that he had not the slightest idea who was represented. 'You know the subject--the story that is intended to be told?' said Dalrymple.
'Upon my word, I don't. There's some old fellow seems to be catching it over the head; but it's all so confused, I can't make much of it. The woman seems to be uncommon angry.'
'Do you ever read your Bible?'
'Ah dear! not as often as I ought to do. Al, I see; it's Sisera. I never could quite believe that story. Jael might have killed Captain Sisera in his sleep--for which, by-the-by, she ought to have been hung, and she might possibly have done it with a hammer and a nail. But she could not have driven it through, and staked him to the ground.'
'I've warrant enough for putting it into a picture, at any rate. My Jael there is intended for Miss Van Siever.'
'Miss Van Siever! Well, it is like her. Has she sat for it?'
'Oh dear, no; not yet. I mean to get her to do so. There's a strength about her, which would make her sit the part admirably. And I fancy she would like to be driving a nail into a fellow's head. I think I shall take Musselboro for a Sisera.'
'You're not in earnest?'
'He would just do for it. But of course I shan't ask him to sit, as my Jael would not like it. She would not consent to operate on so base a subject. So you really are going to Guestwick?'
'Yes; I start tomorrow. Good-bye, old fellow. I'll come and sit for Sisera if you'll let me;--only Miss Van Jael shall have a blunted nail, if you please.'
Then Johnny left the artist's room and walked from Kensington to Lady Demoline's house. As he went he partly accused himself and partly excused himself in that matter of his love for Lily Dale. There were moments of his life in which he felt that he would willingly die for her--that life was not worth having without her--in which he went about inwardly reproaching fortune for having treated him so cruelly. Why should she not be his? He half believed that she loved him. She had almost told him so. She could not surely still love that other man who had treated her with such vile falsehood? As he considered the question in all its bearings he assured himself over and over again that there would be now no fear of that rival;--and yet he had such fears, and hated Crosbie almost as much as ever. It was a thousand pities, certainly, that the man should have been made free by the death of his wife. But it could hardly be that he should seek to see Lily again, or that Lily, if so sought, should even listen to him. But yet there he was, free once more--an odious being, whom Johnny was determined to sacrifice to his vengeance, if cause for such sacrifice should occur. And thus thinking of the real truth of his love, he endeavoured to excuse himself to himself from that charge of vagueness and laxness which his friend Conway Dalrymple had brought against him. And then again he accused himself of the same sin. If he had been positively in earnest, with downright manly earnestness, would he have allowed the thing to drag itself with a weak uncertain life, as it had done for the last two or three years? Lily Dale had been a dream to him in his boyhood; and he had made a reality of his dream as soon as he had become
'Nevertheless, I do not like her,' said John Eames.
'Then why do you go there?'
'One has to be civil to people though they are neither pretty nor wise. I don't mean to insinuate that Miss Demolines is particularly bad, or indeed that she is worse than young ladies in general. I only abused her because there was an insinuation in what you said, that I was going to amuse myself with Miss Demolines in the absence of Miss Dale. The one thing has nothing to do with the other thing. Nothing that I shall say to Miss Demolines will at all militate against my loyalty to Lily.'
'All right, old fellow;--I didn't mean to put you on your purgation. I want you to look at that sketch. Do you know for whom it is intended?' Johnny took up a scrap of paper, and having scrutinised it for a minute or two declared that he had not the slightest idea who was represented. 'You know the subject--the story that is intended to be told?' said Dalrymple.
'Upon my word, I don't. There's some old fellow seems to be catching it over the head; but it's all so confused, I can't make much of it. The woman seems to be uncommon angry.'
'Do you ever read your Bible?'
'Ah dear! not as often as I ought to do. Al, I see; it's Sisera. I never could quite believe that story. Jael might have killed Captain Sisera in his sleep--for which, by-the-by, she ought to have been hung, and she might possibly have done it with a hammer and a nail. But she could not have driven it through, and staked him to the ground.'
'I've warrant enough for putting it into a picture, at any rate. My Jael there is intended for Miss Van Siever.'
'Miss Van Siever! Well, it is like her. Has she sat for it?'
'Oh dear, no; not yet. I mean to get her to do so. There's a strength about her, which would make her sit the part admirably. And I fancy she would like to be driving a nail into a fellow's head. I think I shall take Musselboro for a Sisera.'
'You're not in earnest?'
'He would just do for it. But of course I shan't ask him to sit, as my Jael would not like it. She would not consent to operate on so base a subject. So you really are going to Guestwick?'
'Yes; I start tomorrow. Good-bye, old fellow. I'll come and sit for Sisera if you'll let me;--only Miss Van Jael shall have a blunted nail, if you please.'
Then Johnny left the artist's room and walked from Kensington to Lady Demoline's house. As he went he partly accused himself and partly excused himself in that matter of his love for Lily Dale. There were moments of his life in which he felt that he would willingly die for her--that life was not worth having without her--in which he went about inwardly reproaching fortune for having treated him so cruelly. Why should she not be his? He half believed that she loved him. She had almost told him so. She could not surely still love that other man who had treated her with such vile falsehood? As he considered the question in all its bearings he assured himself over and over again that there would be now no fear of that rival;--and yet he had such fears, and hated Crosbie almost as much as ever. It was a thousand pities, certainly, that the man should have been made free by the death of his wife. But it could hardly be that he should seek to see Lily again, or that Lily, if so sought, should even listen to him. But yet there he was, free once more--an odious being, whom Johnny was determined to sacrifice to his vengeance, if cause for such sacrifice should occur. And thus thinking of the real truth of his love, he endeavoured to excuse himself to himself from that charge of vagueness and laxness which his friend Conway Dalrymple had brought against him. And then again he accused himself of the same sin. If he had been positively in earnest, with downright manly earnestness, would he have allowed the thing to drag itself with a weak uncertain life, as it had done for the last two or three years? Lily Dale had been a dream to him in his boyhood; and he had made a reality of his dream as soon as he had become