The Last Chronicle of Barset [265]
what I mean.' She paused for an answer; but Mrs Crawley had no answer to make. She simply shook her head, not knowing why she did so. But we may know. We can understand that she had felt that the friendship offered to her by Lady Lufton was an impossibility. She had decided within her own breast that it was so, though she did not know that she had come to such decision. 'I wish you to take me at my word, Mrs Crawley,' continued Lady Lufton. 'What can we do for you? We know that you are distressed.'
'Yes--we are distressed.'
'And we know how cruel circumstances have been to you. Will you not forgive me for being plain?'
'I have nothing to forgive,' said Mrs Crawley.
'Lady Lufton means,' said Mrs Robarts, 'that in asking you to talk openly of your affairs, she wishes you to remember that--I think you know what I mean,' said Mrs Robarts, knowing very well herself what she did mean, but not knowing at all how to express herself.
'Lady Lufton is very kind,' said Mrs Crawley, 'and so are you, Mrs Robarts. I know how good you both are, and for how much it behoves me to be grateful.' These words were very cold, and the voice in which they were spoken were very cold. They made Lady Lufton feel that it was beyond her power to proceed with the work of her mission in its intended spirit. It is ever so much easier to proffer kindness graciously than to receive it with grace. Lady Lufton had intended to say, 'Let us be women together;--women bound by humanity, and not separated by rank, and let us open our hearts freely. Let us see how we may be of comfort to each other.' And could she have succeeded in this, she would have spread out her little plans of succour with so loving a hand that she would have conquered the woman before her. But the suffering spirit cannot descend from its dignity of reticence. It has a nobility of its own, made sacred by many tears, by the flowing of streams of blood from unseen wounds, which cannot descend from its dais to receive pity and kindness. A consciousness of undeserved woe produces a grandeur of its own, with which the high-souled sufferer will not easily part. Baskets full of eggs, pounds of eleemosynary butter, quarters of given pork, even second-hand clothing from the wardrobe of some richer sister--even money, unsophisticated money, she could accept. She had learned how that it was her portion of her allotted misery to take such things--for the sake of her children and her husband--and to be thankful for them. She did take them and was thankful; and in the taking she submitted herself to the rod of cruel circumstances; but she could not even yet bring herself to accept spoken pity from a stranger, and to kiss the speaker.
'Can we not do something to help you?' said Mrs Robarts. She would not have spoken but she perceived that Lady Lufton had completed her appeal, and that Mrs Crawley did not seem prepared to answer it.
'You have done so much to help us,' said Mrs Crawley. 'The things you have sent us have been very serviceable.'
'But we mean something more than that,' said Lady Lufton.
'I do not know what there is more,' said Mrs Crawley. 'A bit to eat and something to wear;--that seems to be all that we have to care for now.'
'But we were afraid that this coming trial must cause you much anxiety.'
'Of course it causes anxiety;--but what can we do? It must be so. It cannot be put off or avoided. We have made up our minds to it now, and almost wish that it would come quicker. If it were once over, I think that he would be better whatever the result might be.'
Then there was another lull in the conversation, and Lady Lufton began to be afraid that her visit would be a failure. She thought that perhaps she might get on better if Grace were not in the room, and she turned over in her mind various schemes for sending her away. And perhaps her task would be easier if Mrs Robarts also could be banished for a time. 'Fanny, my dear,' she said at last, boldly, 'I know you have a little plan to arrange with Miss Crawley. Perhaps you will be more likely to be successful
'Yes--we are distressed.'
'And we know how cruel circumstances have been to you. Will you not forgive me for being plain?'
'I have nothing to forgive,' said Mrs Crawley.
'Lady Lufton means,' said Mrs Robarts, 'that in asking you to talk openly of your affairs, she wishes you to remember that--I think you know what I mean,' said Mrs Robarts, knowing very well herself what she did mean, but not knowing at all how to express herself.
'Lady Lufton is very kind,' said Mrs Crawley, 'and so are you, Mrs Robarts. I know how good you both are, and for how much it behoves me to be grateful.' These words were very cold, and the voice in which they were spoken were very cold. They made Lady Lufton feel that it was beyond her power to proceed with the work of her mission in its intended spirit. It is ever so much easier to proffer kindness graciously than to receive it with grace. Lady Lufton had intended to say, 'Let us be women together;--women bound by humanity, and not separated by rank, and let us open our hearts freely. Let us see how we may be of comfort to each other.' And could she have succeeded in this, she would have spread out her little plans of succour with so loving a hand that she would have conquered the woman before her. But the suffering spirit cannot descend from its dignity of reticence. It has a nobility of its own, made sacred by many tears, by the flowing of streams of blood from unseen wounds, which cannot descend from its dais to receive pity and kindness. A consciousness of undeserved woe produces a grandeur of its own, with which the high-souled sufferer will not easily part. Baskets full of eggs, pounds of eleemosynary butter, quarters of given pork, even second-hand clothing from the wardrobe of some richer sister--even money, unsophisticated money, she could accept. She had learned how that it was her portion of her allotted misery to take such things--for the sake of her children and her husband--and to be thankful for them. She did take them and was thankful; and in the taking she submitted herself to the rod of cruel circumstances; but she could not even yet bring herself to accept spoken pity from a stranger, and to kiss the speaker.
'Can we not do something to help you?' said Mrs Robarts. She would not have spoken but she perceived that Lady Lufton had completed her appeal, and that Mrs Crawley did not seem prepared to answer it.
'You have done so much to help us,' said Mrs Crawley. 'The things you have sent us have been very serviceable.'
'But we mean something more than that,' said Lady Lufton.
'I do not know what there is more,' said Mrs Crawley. 'A bit to eat and something to wear;--that seems to be all that we have to care for now.'
'But we were afraid that this coming trial must cause you much anxiety.'
'Of course it causes anxiety;--but what can we do? It must be so. It cannot be put off or avoided. We have made up our minds to it now, and almost wish that it would come quicker. If it were once over, I think that he would be better whatever the result might be.'
Then there was another lull in the conversation, and Lady Lufton began to be afraid that her visit would be a failure. She thought that perhaps she might get on better if Grace were not in the room, and she turned over in her mind various schemes for sending her away. And perhaps her task would be easier if Mrs Robarts also could be banished for a time. 'Fanny, my dear,' she said at last, boldly, 'I know you have a little plan to arrange with Miss Crawley. Perhaps you will be more likely to be successful