The Last Chronicle of Barset [363]
now over the fire, with his elbows on his knees, and his face buried in his hands. She had gone round the room so as to face him, and was now standing almost over him, but still she could not see his countenance. 'This will not do at all,' she said. 'My dear, do you know that you are forgetting yourself altogether?'
'I wish I could forget myself.'
'That might be all very well if you were in a position in which you owed no service to anyone; or, rather, it would not be well then, but the evil would not be so manifest. You cannot do your duty in the diocese if you continue to sit there doing nothing, with your head upon your hands. Why do you not rally, and get to your work like a man?'
'I wish you would go away and leave me,' he said.
'No, bishop. I will not go away and leave you. You have brought yourself into such a condition that it is my duty as your wife to stay by you; and if you neglect your duty, I will not neglect mine.'
'It was you that brought me to it.'
'No sir, that is not true. I did not bring you to it.'
'It is the truth.' And now he got up and looked at her. For a moment he stood upon his legs, and then sat down again with his face turned towards her. 'It is the truth. You have brought on me such disgrace that I cannot hold up my head. You have ruined me. I wish I were dead; and it is all through you that I am driven to wish it.'
Of all that she had suffered in her life this was the worst. She clasped both her hands to her side as she listened to him, and for a minute or two she made no reply. When he ceased from speaking he again put his elbows in his knees and again buried his face in his hands. What had she better do, or how was it expedient that she should treat him? At this crisis the whole thing was so important to her that she would have postponed her own ambition and would have curbed her temper had she thought that by doing so she might in any degree have benefited him. But it seemed to her that she could not rouse him by conciliation. Neither could she leave him as he was. Something must be done. 'Bishop,' she said, 'the words that you speak are very sinful, very sinful.'
'You have made them sinful,' he said.
'I will not hear that from you. I will not indeed. I have endeavoured to do my duty by you, and I do not deserve it. I am endeavouring to do my duty now, and you must know that it would ill become me to remain quiescent while you are in such a state. The world around you is observing you, and knows that you are not doing your work. All I want of you is that you should arouse yourself, and go to your work.'
'I could do my work very well,' he said, 'if you were not here.'
'I suppose, then, you wish that I were dead?' said Mrs Proudie. To this he made no reply, nor did he stir himself. How could flesh and blood bear this--female flesh and blood--Mrs Proudie's flesh and blood? Now, at last, her temper once more got the better of her judgment, probably much to her immediate satisfaction, and she spoke out. 'I'll tell you what it is, my lord, if you are imbecile, I must be active. It is very sad that I should have to assume your authority--'
'I will not allow you to assume my authority.'
'I must do so, or else must obtain a medical certificate as to your incapacity, and beg that some neighbouring bishop may administer the diocese. Things shall not go on as they are now. I, at any rate, will do my duty. I shall tell Mr Thumble that he must go over to Hogglestock, and arrange for the duties of the parish.'
'I desire that you will do no such thing,' said the bishop, now again looking up at her.
'You may be sure that I shall,' said Mrs Proudie, and then she left the room.
He did not even yet suppose that she would go about his this work at once. The condition of his mind was in truth bad, and was becoming worse, probably, from day to day; but still he did make his calculations about things, and now reflected that it would be sufficient if he spoke to his chaplain tomorrow about Mr Crawley's letter. Since the terrible scene that Dr Tempest had
'I wish I could forget myself.'
'That might be all very well if you were in a position in which you owed no service to anyone; or, rather, it would not be well then, but the evil would not be so manifest. You cannot do your duty in the diocese if you continue to sit there doing nothing, with your head upon your hands. Why do you not rally, and get to your work like a man?'
'I wish you would go away and leave me,' he said.
'No, bishop. I will not go away and leave you. You have brought yourself into such a condition that it is my duty as your wife to stay by you; and if you neglect your duty, I will not neglect mine.'
'It was you that brought me to it.'
'No sir, that is not true. I did not bring you to it.'
'It is the truth.' And now he got up and looked at her. For a moment he stood upon his legs, and then sat down again with his face turned towards her. 'It is the truth. You have brought on me such disgrace that I cannot hold up my head. You have ruined me. I wish I were dead; and it is all through you that I am driven to wish it.'
Of all that she had suffered in her life this was the worst. She clasped both her hands to her side as she listened to him, and for a minute or two she made no reply. When he ceased from speaking he again put his elbows in his knees and again buried his face in his hands. What had she better do, or how was it expedient that she should treat him? At this crisis the whole thing was so important to her that she would have postponed her own ambition and would have curbed her temper had she thought that by doing so she might in any degree have benefited him. But it seemed to her that she could not rouse him by conciliation. Neither could she leave him as he was. Something must be done. 'Bishop,' she said, 'the words that you speak are very sinful, very sinful.'
'You have made them sinful,' he said.
'I will not hear that from you. I will not indeed. I have endeavoured to do my duty by you, and I do not deserve it. I am endeavouring to do my duty now, and you must know that it would ill become me to remain quiescent while you are in such a state. The world around you is observing you, and knows that you are not doing your work. All I want of you is that you should arouse yourself, and go to your work.'
'I could do my work very well,' he said, 'if you were not here.'
'I suppose, then, you wish that I were dead?' said Mrs Proudie. To this he made no reply, nor did he stir himself. How could flesh and blood bear this--female flesh and blood--Mrs Proudie's flesh and blood? Now, at last, her temper once more got the better of her judgment, probably much to her immediate satisfaction, and she spoke out. 'I'll tell you what it is, my lord, if you are imbecile, I must be active. It is very sad that I should have to assume your authority--'
'I will not allow you to assume my authority.'
'I must do so, or else must obtain a medical certificate as to your incapacity, and beg that some neighbouring bishop may administer the diocese. Things shall not go on as they are now. I, at any rate, will do my duty. I shall tell Mr Thumble that he must go over to Hogglestock, and arrange for the duties of the parish.'
'I desire that you will do no such thing,' said the bishop, now again looking up at her.
'You may be sure that I shall,' said Mrs Proudie, and then she left the room.
He did not even yet suppose that she would go about his this work at once. The condition of his mind was in truth bad, and was becoming worse, probably, from day to day; but still he did make his calculations about things, and now reflected that it would be sufficient if he spoke to his chaplain tomorrow about Mr Crawley's letter. Since the terrible scene that Dr Tempest had