The Last Empress - Anchee Min [149]
I thought of Emperor Hsien Feng's last day when he was settled into the same pose. Making the dying look larger than life was meant to suggest power, and I had personally witnessed its effect. Still, it felt ridiculous. My husband must have felt the same absurdity. However, I understood that if I wanted my will to be executed, this was a necessity.
I was also doing this for the sake of those who had faith in me, especially the lower-ranking governors and officials who counted their calendars first "in the year of Emperor Tung Chih" and then "in the year of Emperor Guang-hsu." I owed them a final impression.
The grand secretary drew near in order to hear me.
Li Lien-ying stared at the ornaments on my hair board. Worried about their weight, he had rigged up several strings to hold everything in place. It seemed to be working, but there was still a danger that my body might collapse.
Eunuchs stood behind the throne, concealed from sight. Li Lien-ying had told them how to hold the ropes that held the Dragon Throne and myself in place.
I was amazed by my mind's clearness. But it was the delivery I needed to get through.
"It is my wish to die," I began. "I hope you will understand that no mother wants to outlive her children. I have achieved nothing in my life except to keep China in one piece. Looking back on my memories of the past fifty years, I perceive calamities from within and aggression from without that came upon us in relentless succession." With great difficulty I was able to take a breath and project my voice. "The new Emperor is a little child, just reaching the age when instruction is of the highest importance..."
I felt ashamed to continue, because I had spoken the same words when Tung Chih became Emperor, and then again with Guang-hsu. "I regret that I won't be here to guide Puyi, but this might not be his misfortune ... I hope all of you will try to do a better job than I achieved in shaping the throne's character."
Memories of Tung Chih and Guang-hsu flooded my mind. I could hear Nuharoo yelling for me to quit disciplining Tung Chih. Then came Guang-hsu's bright eyes as he spoke passionately about reform: "Ito is my friend, Mother!"
"It is my earnest prayer," I pushed myself to continue, "that Emperor Puyi diligently pursue his studies and that he may hereafter add fresh luster to the glorious achievements of his ancestors."
What I said next shocked not only the court but also the nation. I declared that empresses and concubines should be forbidden from ever holding supreme power. It was the only way to protect the young Emperor from the likes of Nuharoo, Alute and Pearl. I would not have made this decision if my niece Lan hadn't voiced her disappointment after learning that she was not going to be the acting regent for Puyi. She let me know that she was determined to seek her proper position.
My strength began to disappear. My neck was yielding to the weight of my hair board. As hard as I tried, I could no longer utter a sound.
"What do you see, my lady?" Li Lien-ying asked.
I saw the carved dragons on the ceiling. I remembered I had dreamed of these dragons before I entered the Forbidden City. Now I had seen them, all 13,844 of them.
"What is..." I remembered my astrologer's warnings about bad-luck dates on which to die.
"What is the date today?" Li Lien-ying guessed.
I meant to nod but couldn't.
"November 15, 1908, my lady. It is a good-luck day."
Strange thoughts began to surge inside my head: I was wrong to stay. Did I know the steps? Words do not stop a flood.
"My lady?" I heard Lien-ying's voice and then, in an instant, I could not hear—
"It is the end of my world but not others', Orchid." I could see my father speaking on his deathbed.
I blinked my eyes and took a good look at Li Lien-ying. I felt sad about abandoning him.
A thick white fog enfolded me. In the middle of the fog was a soft egg yolk like a red sun. The yolk began to sway like a