The Last Empress - Anchee Min [15]
After tea was served I suggested that he follow me to the drawing room, where he could sit more comfortably. He wouldn't move until I told him that I was tired of sitting on a chair whose deeply carved wood hurt my back. I smiled and said that the ornate furniture in the audience hall was good only for show.
"You see, Tseng Kuo-fan, I can barely hear you." I pointed at the distance between us. "It is not easy for either of us. On the one hand, it is considered rude if you raise your voice. On the other hand, I can't bear to not hear you."
Tseng nodded and moved to sit near me, on my lower left. He did not know that I had fought for this meeting. The Manchu clansmen and Prince Kung had ignored my request to honor Tseng with the private audience. I pleaded that if it hadn't been for Tseng Kuo-fan, the Manchu Dynasty would have come to an end.
Nuharoo had refused to take my side when I went to her for support. Like the rest, she took Tseng Kuo-fan for granted. Eventually I persuaded her to back the invitation, but a few hours before the meeting was to take place, she again changed her mind.
I was beside myself with anger.
Nuharoo yielded, but sighed and said, "If only you had one drop of royal blood in you."
True, I had not a drop. But that was precisely what drew me to Tseng Kuo-fan. By treating him with respect, I was respecting myself.
My negotiations with the Imperial clan had ended in compromise: I was to meet Tseng for fifteen minutes.
"I heard that you have lost your sight. Is that true?" I asked while watching the clock ticking on the wall. "May I know which eye is bad?"
"Both eyes are bad," Tseng replied. "My right eye has gone blind almost completely. But my left can still detect light. On a good day I can see blurred figures."
"Have you recovered from your other maladies?"
"Yes, I can say that I have."
"You appear to kneel and rise freely. Is your frame still sound?"
"It is not what it used to be."
The thought of ending the meeting made my voice break. "Tseng Kuo-fan, you have worked hard for the throne."
"It has been my pleasure to serve you, Your Majesty."
I wished that I could invite him to see me again, but I was afraid that I would not be able to keep my word.
We sat and remained quiet.
As etiquette required, Tseng kept his head lowered, his eyes resting on a spot on the floor. The steel clasp of his riding cloak made a clinking noise every time he changed position. He seemed to search for my exact location. I was sure he could not see me even with his eyes wide open. Reaching for his teacup, his hands groped the air. When An-te-hai brought in sweet sesame buns, his elbow almost upset the tray.
"Tseng Kuo-fan, do you remember the first time we met?" I tried to cheer us up.
"Yes, of course." The man nodded. "It was fourteen years ago ... at the audience with His Majesty Emperor Hsien Feng."
I raised my voice a bit so I was sure he could hear me. "You were strong with a stout chest. Your gathered eyebrows made me think that you were mad."
"Was I?" He smiled. "I was impatient back then. I wanted to live up to His Majesty's expectations."
"You did. You have achieved more than anyone could have expected. My husband would be proud. I have already visited his altar to report the news you brought him."
Tseng lowered his head and began to weep. Glancing up after a time, he peered in my direction, struggling to see. The light in the sitting room was too dim, however, and he again lowered his gaze.
An-te-hai came in to remind us that our time was up.
Tseng collected himself to bid me goodbye.
"Finish your tea," I said softly.
As he drank, I looked at the silver mountains and ocean waves embroidered on his cloak.
"Would it be all right if I asked my doctor to visit you?"
I asked. "It would be very kind of Your Majesty."
"Promise me that you will take care of yourself, Tseng Kuo-fan. I am counting on seeing you again. Soon, I hope."
"Yes, Your Majesty, Tseng Kuo-fan will do his best."
I never got