The Last Enchantment - Mary Stewart [154]
"No." His voice sounded strange, like an instrument meant for music that is blown through by a gritty wind. "I did not see the King at all."
"You mean you saw nothing? Look, Ninian, this happens. You remember that it happened the other day, even to me. You must not let it distress you. There will be many times when nothing will come to you. I've told you before, you must wait for the god. He chooses the time, not you."
He shook his head. "It isn't that. I did see. But not the High King. Something else."
"Then tell me."
He gave me a desperate look. "I can't."
"Look, my dear, as you do not choose what you are shown, so neither do you choose what you will tell. There may come a time when you use your judgement in the halls of kings, but with me you tell me all that you see."
"I cannot!"
I waited. "Now. You saw in the flames?"
"Yes."
"Did what you saw contradict what came before, or what I think I have just seen?"
"No."
"Then if you are keeping silent out of fear of me, or fear that I may be angry for some reason -- "
"I have never been afraid of you."
"Then," I said patiently, "there can surely be no reason to keep silent, and every reason to tell me what you think you saw. It may not be the tragedy you so obviously think it is. You may be interpreting it wrongly. Has that not occurred to you?"
A flash of hope, soon shut out. He took a shaky breath, and I thought he would speak, then he bit his lip and remained silent. I wondered if he had foreseen my death.
I leaned forward and took his face in my hands and forced it up towards me. His eyes came reluctantly up to meet mine. "Ninian. Do you think I cannot go where you have just gone? Will you put me to that trouble and stress, or will you obey me now? What was it that you saw in the flame?"
His tongue came out to wet dry lips, and then he spoke, in a whisper, as if he was afraid of the sound. "Did you know that Bedwyr is not with the High King? That he stayed behind in Camelot?"
"No, but I could have guessed it. It was obvious that the King must leave one of his chief captains to keep his stronghold and guard the Queen."
"Yes." He licked his lips again. "That's what I saw. Bedwyr in Camelot -- with the Queen. They were -- I think they are -- "
He stopped. I took my hands away, and his eyes fell, how thankfully, away from mine.
There was only one way to interpret his distress. "Lovers?"
"I think so. Yes. I know they are." Then, in a rush now: "Merlin, how could she do this thing? After all that has happened -- after all he has done for her! The Melwas affair -- everyone knows what happened there! And Bedwyr, how could he so betray the King? The Queen -- a woman to look aside from such a man, such a King...If only I could believe that this was no true dream! But I know it's true!" He stared at me, with eyes still dilated with the dream. "And, Merlin, in God's name, what must we do?"
I said slowly: "That I cannot tell you yet. But put it from you if you can. This is one burden that you must not be asked to share with me."
"Will you tell him?"
"I am his servant. What do you think?"
He bit his lips again, staring into the fire, but this time, I knew, seeing nothing. His face was white and wretched. I remember feeling vaguely surprised that he should, apparently, blame Guinevere more for her weakness than Bedwyr for his treachery. He said at length: "How could you tell him such a thing?"
"I don't know that yet. Time will show me."
He lifted his head. "You're not surprised." It sounded like an accusation.
"No. I think I knew, that night when he swam across to Melwas' lodge in the lake. And afterwards, when she nursed him...And I remember how, when she first came to Caerleon for her wedding, Bedwyr was the only one of the knights who would not look at her, nor she at him. I think they had already felt it, on the journey from Northgalis, before ever she saw the King." I added: "And you might say that I was told clearly