The last secret_ a novel - Mary McGarry Morris [102]
“Such a waste,” Ken says with such disgust that for a moment Nora thinks he means Drew.
“Nineteen!” Chloe cries. “He's just two years older than me. I don't get it. Why're we doing this? Why?” she demands as if they know but won't tell her.
“I know, hon.” Nora kisses the top of her daughter's head. “It's hard. Especially now when it all seems so pointless.”
“Well, maybe all we can do is hope some good comes out of it,” Ken says with a long sigh.
“Good!” Chloe cries. “What kind of good's gonna come out of that, a kid dying?”
“That's not what I meant. Obviously.” Ken gets up and hugs Chloe. She stiffens back and Nora remembers how in the middle of the night only Ken could soothe his little girl.
“So what do you mean? What kinda good?” Drew is staring at his father.
“There aren't any easy answers, Drew. Maybe we should leave it at that,” Ken says.
“Why?” Drew asks with a hint of a smile. “Because that's what the paper wants?”
Ken sighs, regards him for a moment. “The war in Iraq's—”
“No!” Drew protests so venomously that they all shrink back. “It's not a war. It's a lie, just one more lie no one wants to admit.”
The silence in the kitchen is thick, suffocating.
When Nora gets to work, she sits in the warm car, listening to the radio. Another helicopter crash near Fallujah, more dead, wounded, maimed, like the rest, nameless for her until Joe Turcotte, a boy asleep on a bunk in a summer cabin, on the fringes of her once-perfect life, hermetically sealed, viewed through glass, as she stares out at the parking lot, alone with her well-guarded secret, its gathering force fed by lies. And, of these, most insidious, all the lies allowed in submission to the greater good. Holding on to her mother. Keeping her marriage together.
After the children left for school she asked Ken to stay, please, just a little while so they could talk, but he couldn't. He had an eight thirty conference call. She's made up her mind. They all have to go to counseling. The family is sinking, fracturing, breaking into pieces. She turns off the radio. Just getting out of the car is an effort. And this briefcase, heavy at her side, why does she carry it? So important, every day, back and forth. As proof she matters? But to whom? For what? And in the end, who cares? Special supplements, filler no one reads, but Oliver insisted. Busywork Why? Give her something to do? Make her feel important, useful in her meaningless life? No. Not true, not as long as she has her children. And Joe Turcotte—his mother, what's left for her now? She swallows against the lump in her throat.
“Hey!” someone shouts, and she turns with a gasp to see Eddie Hawkins, a strip of soiled gauze dangling from his hand. Scabby shaving nicks dot his chin.
“I gotta ask you something.” Agitated, he shifts from foot to foot. “Robin Gendron, she and I, we … we're friends, you know. Good friends. Really good. Then all of a sudden, I don't know … it's, like, whoom!”
She cringes from the sudden slice of his bandaged hand by her face.
“Like, somebody said something, you know what I mean?”
“No. I don't know what you're talking about.” Determined not to show fear, she stares at him. He's panting.
“You said something. About me. You told her, right?”
“Of course not.”
“Don't mess with me, okay? There's too much … I got too much … I'm not gonna put up with it. With this shit, you got that?”
“What do you want? I don't understand. Why're you still here?”
His explosive laughter is like wild gunfire going off all around her. “I'll tell you what I fucking want. I want you and your fag husband to mind your own goddamn business, that's what the fuck I want.” He jabs her shoulder. “Robin and me, we don't need this … this shit, get what I'm saying? You keep away from her, the two of you. You got that?”
His face is twisted with hatred. There's no reasoning with him. She never should have given him anything. She should have told Ken from the start, instead of thinking money would take care of it.
“I'm not putting up with it! No more! That's it!”
She hugs her briefcase and watches him lurch