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In writing back to him, I acted on the assumption that he made sense to himself at least. Accordingly, I tried to quote some of his more intelligible sayings so he’d know I was listening to him and that we used the same language. I hoped he’d think that I understood how he felt. For the most part, though, I was operating in the dark.

There was one aspect to our correspondence that I found particularly intriguing: almost all of his letters were written on the back of others that had been sent to him. At first, I wondered if he was short of paper but then I learned that he had his own special stationery. It seemed like he was mocking those who’d written to him, and sharing his disdain with me. For example, on the back of one note he sent was the following letter that was fairly typical of those he received:

Dear Mr. Manson,

I am a criminal psychology major at CSU, Long Beach and I am currently working on my thesis paper. I was wondering if I could ask you a big favor. I thought it would be good to include a section on the current Judicial System and its laws. Do you think you could write a short commentary on this subject for me to include as an example I could cite from? It would mean a lot to me and I would really appreciate it.

The naiveté of this approach surprised me. Couldn’t this student see that he was presenting himself as the figure Manson hated the most, the elite “man” who was responsible for putting society in the position it was in? It was no surprise that Manson ran his illegible script over the back of the young man’s words.

In one instance, Manson actually referred directly to one of the letters written on the back. The letter read as follows:

Dear Mr. Manson,

After two years in prison, I know you have been contacted by every person under the sun. I am writing due to the fact I collect notorious people’s signatures. I have read your book several times and feel your signature would be one of the best in the collection. I have no opinion on why you are in prison, but because you are there is the only reason I’m writing. So Sir, if you want to write back it would be great. If not I understand but either way I just want your signature. Thank you.

It astounded me that someone would believe any incarcerated person, let alone the sought-after Charles Manson, would respond to such a request. You’d think people would do a minimum of research to increase the odds of a response.

Apparently, Manson agreed. “It’s hard for me to understand how smart people can be so dum,” he wrote on this note, “none of them books have been by or for me—you think there is law & maybe for the rich there is. But when your unschooled people do what makes money. That book is total and complete BUNKUM I never gave no one permission for any books.”

This statement showed another side of Manson. It demonstrated that he felt manipulated, that he experienced emotional pain. I found it interesting that he was willing to share these feelings of hurt and betrayal with me in a way that Gacy would never do. Although I never forgot for a moment what a frightening monster Manson was, at times he seemed awfully pathetic and vulnerable.

In my next letter to him, I asked if he encountered any demons or monsters after he fell asleep. I didn’t really know where I was going with this, but it seemed like an interesting area to explore. “Here is a card of a monster,” Manson replied, “so bad it will eat the hearts of all who put themselves between me & my lone soul self world.”

I interpreted Manson’s comment about being a “lone soul” as a reference to his earlier days when he believed he was the son of God. He set himself apart from others by creating a mission for himself. In prison this belief only seemed to be reinforced by all the people writing him for guidance.

Once I’d concluded I’d learned all I could about Manson from his letters, I began contemplating visiting him in prison. I planned to drive to the California State Prison during my summer vacation.