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Finally, though, the long day drew to a close. Everyone in the house was irritable and nervous, and I went upstairs one more time to make sure I had everything I might need to prepare myself for Gacy. This included a notebook that contained all the details of the stories I’d told him. I’d carefully logged the exact outfits I was wearing when I was supposedly prostituting myself on the streets, as well as the exact times, places, and scenarios of the encounters I told him I’d had with Jarrod.

I also decided to bring a notepad so I could “debrief” myself each day upon returning from the prison. I planned to take detailed notes on everything that had occurred, so I could re-create it all for the honors thesis I was already planning for my senior year.

In addition to the notes, pad, three days’ worth of clothes, and a camera, I also brought along a book called The Psychopathic Mind. I was hoping to get some last-minute insights on how to handle myself during the visit.

Walking out the front door of my house that evening, I saw the worried look on my mother’s face and felt a tinge of sadness. I realized how much stress I put on my family, and how apprehensive they were concerning this latest stunt. I was feeling pretty nervous myself, but there was no way I was going to show it.

A second chance like this wouldn’t come along.

33

The Attorney

It was still dark outside at five o’clock in the morning when my flight arrived in St. Louis. I could smell dampness in the air. Smiling, I thought about how in elementary school we’d all run outside when it would rain because it was such a contrast to the monotonous dry heat of the Mojave Desert. It seemed amazing that there were places like St. Louis where the air was thick and humid.

At the gate I waited nervously for my ride. I saw several men standing around, looking like they were meeting people, so I tried to make eye contact. Gacy’s attorney had a picture of me but I had no idea what he looked like.

It was about ten minutes—but it seemed much longer— before a man in a ski jacket and running shoes approached, his hair disheveled like he’d just woken up. I was very confused because Gacy had said his lawyer was tall and thin and would be wearing a suit. This guy was short and over-weight.

“Are you Jason?” he said with a shy smile.

He seemed younger than I expected for someone who was an expert on appellate law. Actually, he didn’t look like a lawyer at all but, rather, like a relative of Gacy’s. He bore a striking similarity to John, with the same jowly face and body shape. They even had the same balding pattern. In a flash I put two and two together, sizing this guy up as not Gacy’s lawyer but a relative Gacy had sometimes referred to who apparently functioned as a kind of all-purpose assistant.

“Yeah,” I answered. “And you’re Ken?”

Ken extended his hand, which I shook tentatively. He seemed confused as well because I was much bigger than he expected, not at all what he imagined a meek eighteen-year-old kid would look like.

He was a chain-smoker and he seemed nervous. I wondered why: I was the one who should be anxious—especially since Gacy had lied about sending his attorney. Still, he seemed friendly enough, eager to please and accommodate me any way he could. I was relieved by his cooperation because I was going to be dependent on him for transportation during the next several days. I was too young to rent a car, so the only way I could get to and from the prison was with him as an escort.

We walked out to the parking lot where he had a rental car waiting that Gacy had paid for. The sky was just beginning to lighten to a dark gray. Once again, I noted the smell of rain in the air. I kept taking deep breaths so I could remember what it felt like.

During the hour drive into the town where I’d be staying, I watched the scenery flash by. It was so different from anything I’d ever seen. Everything was so green and lush. We passed farms and little stores and grazing land. There were cows everywhere.