The Laughing Corpse - Laurell K. Hamilton [1]
“Zombies rot, Bert, there’s no way to prevent that, and they don’t stay smart enough long enough to be used as field labor.”
“It was just a thought. The dead have no rights under law, Anita.”
“Not yet.”
It was wrong to raise the dead so they could slave for us. It was just wrong, but no one listens to me. The government finally had to get into the act. There was a nationwide committee being formed of animators and other experts. We were supposed to look into the working conditions of local zombies.
Working conditions. They didn’t understand. You can’t give a corpse nice working conditions. They don’t appreciate it anyway. Zombies may walk, even talk, but they are very, very dead.
Bert smiled indulgently at me. I fought an urge to pop him one right in his smug face. “I know you and Charles are working on that committee,” Bert said. “Going around to all the businesses and checking up on the zombies. It makes great press for Animators, Inc.”
“I don’t do it for good press,” I said.
“I know. You believe in your little cause.”
“You’re a condescending bastard,” I said, smiling sweetly up at him.
He grinned at me. “I know.”
I just shook my head; with Bert you can’t really win an insult match. He doesn’t give a damn what I think of him, as long as I work for him.
My navy blue suit jacket was supposed to be summer weight but it was a lie. Sweat trickled down my spine as soon as I stepped out of the car.
Bert turned to me, small eyes narrowing. His eyes lend themselves to suspicious squints. “You’re still wearing your gun,” he said.
“The jacket hides it, Bert. Mr. Gaynor will never know.” Sweat started collecting under the straps of my shoulder holster. I could feel the silk blouse beginning to melt. I try not to wear silk and a shoulder rig at the same time. The silk starts to look indented, wrinkling where the straps cross. The gun was a Browning Hi-Power 9mm, and I liked having it near at hand.
“Come on, Anita. I don’t think you’ll need a gun in the middle of the afternoon, while visiting a client.” Bert’s voice held that patronizing tone that people use on children. Now, little girl, you know this is for your own good.
Bert didn’t care about my well-being. He just didn’t want to spook Gaynor. The man had already given us a check for five thousand dollars. And that was just to drive out and talk to him. The implication was that there was more money if we agreed to take his case. A lot of money. Bert was all excited about that part. I was skeptical. After all, Bert didn’t have to raise the corpse. I did.
The trouble was, Bert was probably right. I wouldn’t need the gun in broad daylight. Probably. “All right, open the trunk.”
Bert opened the trunk of his nearly brand-new Volvo. I was already taking off the jacket. He stood in front of me, hiding me from the house. God forbid that they should see me hiding a gun in the trunk. What would they do, lock the doors and scream for help?
I folded the holster straps around the gun and laid it in the clean trunk. It smelled like new car, plastic and faintly unreal. Bert shut the trunk, and I stared at it as if I could still see the gun.
“Are you coming?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said. I didn’t like leaving my gun behind, for any reason. Was that a bad sign? Bert motioned for me to come on.
I did, walking carefully over the gravel in my high-heeled black pumps. Women may get to wear lots of pretty colors, but men get the comfortable shoes.
Bert was staring at the door, smile already set on his face. It was his best professional smile, dripping with sincerity. His pale grey eyes sparkled with good cheer. It was a mask. He could put it on and off like a light switch. He’d wear the same smile if you confessed to killing your own mother. As long as you wanted to pay to have her raised from the dead.
The door opened, and I knew Bert had been wrong about me not needing a gun. The man was maybe