The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy [190]
efforts of Edward the Third a whole year, and was not terminated at last but by famine and extreme misery; the gallantry of Eustace de St. Pierre, who first offered himself a victim for his fellow-citizens, has rank'd his name with heroes. As it will not take up above fifty pages, it would be injustice to the reader, not to give him a minute account of that romantic transaction, as well as of the siege itself, in Rapin's own words:
Chapter 3.LXXXIX.
--But courage! gentle reader!--I scorn it--'tis enough to have thee in my power--but to make use of the advantage which the fortune of the pen has now gained over thee, would be too much--No--! by that all-powerful fire which warms the visionary brain, and lights the spirits through unworldly tracts! ere I would force a helpless creature upon this hard service, and make thee pay, poor soul! for fifty pages, which I have no right to sell thee,--naked as I am, I would browse upon the mountains, and smile that the north wind brought me neither my tent or my supper.
--So put on, my brave boy! and make the best of thy way to Boulogne.
Chapter 3.XC.
Boulogne!--hah!--so we are all got together--debtors and sinners before heaven; a jolly set of us--but I can't stay and quaff it off with you--I'm pursued myself like a hundred devils, and shall be overtaken, before I can well change horses:--for heaven's sake, make haste--'Tis for high-treason, quoth a very little man, whispering as low as he could to a very tall man, that stood next him--Or else for murder; quoth the tall man--Well thrown, Size-ace! quoth I. No; quoth a third, the gentleman has been committing--
A! ma chere fille! said I, as she tripp'd by from her matins--you look as rosy as the morning (for the sun was rising, and it made the compliment the more gracious)--No; it can't be that, quoth a fourth--(she made a curt'sy to me--I kiss'd my hand) 'tis debt, continued he: 'Tis certainly for debt; quoth a fifth; I would not pay that gentleman's debts, quoth Ace, for a thousand pounds; nor would I, quoth Size, for six times the sum--Well thrown, Size-ace, again! quoth I;--but I have no debt but the debt of Nature, and I want but patience of her, and I will pay her every farthing I owe her--How can you be so hard-hearted, Madam, to arrest a poor traveller going along without molestation to any one upon his lawful occasions? do stop that death-looking, long-striding scoundrel of a scare-sinner, who is posting after me--he never would have followed me but for you--if it be but for a stage or two, just to give me start of him, I beseech you, madam--do, dear lady--
--Now, in troth, 'tis a great pity, quoth mine Irish host, that all this good courtship should be lost; for the young gentlewoman has been after going out of hearing of it all along.--
--Simpleton! quoth I.
--So you have nothing else in Boulogne worth seeing?
--By Jasus! there is the finest Seminary for the Humanities--
--There cannot be a finer; quoth I.
Chapter 3.XCI.
When the precipitancy of a man's wishes hurries on his ideas ninety times faster than the vehicle he rides in--woe be to truth! and woe be to the vehicle and its tackling (let 'em be made of what stuff you will) upon which he breathes forth the disappointment of his soul!
As I never give general characters either of men or things in choler, 'the most haste the worse speed,' was all the reflection I made upon the affair, the first time it happen'd;--the second, third, fourth, and fifth time, I confined it respectively to those times, and accordingly blamed only the second, third, fourth, and fifth post-boy for it, without carrying my reflections further; but the event continuing to befal me from the fifth, to the sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth time, and without one exception, I then could not avoid making a national reflection of it, which I do in these words;
That something is always wrong in a French post-chaise, upon first setting out.
Or the proposition may stand thus:
A French postilion has always to alight before he has got three hundred
Chapter 3.LXXXIX.
--But courage! gentle reader!--I scorn it--'tis enough to have thee in my power--but to make use of the advantage which the fortune of the pen has now gained over thee, would be too much--No--! by that all-powerful fire which warms the visionary brain, and lights the spirits through unworldly tracts! ere I would force a helpless creature upon this hard service, and make thee pay, poor soul! for fifty pages, which I have no right to sell thee,--naked as I am, I would browse upon the mountains, and smile that the north wind brought me neither my tent or my supper.
--So put on, my brave boy! and make the best of thy way to Boulogne.
Chapter 3.XC.
Boulogne!--hah!--so we are all got together--debtors and sinners before heaven; a jolly set of us--but I can't stay and quaff it off with you--I'm pursued myself like a hundred devils, and shall be overtaken, before I can well change horses:--for heaven's sake, make haste--'Tis for high-treason, quoth a very little man, whispering as low as he could to a very tall man, that stood next him--Or else for murder; quoth the tall man--Well thrown, Size-ace! quoth I. No; quoth a third, the gentleman has been committing--
A! ma chere fille! said I, as she tripp'd by from her matins--you look as rosy as the morning (for the sun was rising, and it made the compliment the more gracious)--No; it can't be that, quoth a fourth--(she made a curt'sy to me--I kiss'd my hand) 'tis debt, continued he: 'Tis certainly for debt; quoth a fifth; I would not pay that gentleman's debts, quoth Ace, for a thousand pounds; nor would I, quoth Size, for six times the sum--Well thrown, Size-ace, again! quoth I;--but I have no debt but the debt of Nature, and I want but patience of her, and I will pay her every farthing I owe her--How can you be so hard-hearted, Madam, to arrest a poor traveller going along without molestation to any one upon his lawful occasions? do stop that death-looking, long-striding scoundrel of a scare-sinner, who is posting after me--he never would have followed me but for you--if it be but for a stage or two, just to give me start of him, I beseech you, madam--do, dear lady--
--Now, in troth, 'tis a great pity, quoth mine Irish host, that all this good courtship should be lost; for the young gentlewoman has been after going out of hearing of it all along.--
--Simpleton! quoth I.
--So you have nothing else in Boulogne worth seeing?
--By Jasus! there is the finest Seminary for the Humanities--
--There cannot be a finer; quoth I.
Chapter 3.XCI.
When the precipitancy of a man's wishes hurries on his ideas ninety times faster than the vehicle he rides in--woe be to truth! and woe be to the vehicle and its tackling (let 'em be made of what stuff you will) upon which he breathes forth the disappointment of his soul!
As I never give general characters either of men or things in choler, 'the most haste the worse speed,' was all the reflection I made upon the affair, the first time it happen'd;--the second, third, fourth, and fifth time, I confined it respectively to those times, and accordingly blamed only the second, third, fourth, and fifth post-boy for it, without carrying my reflections further; but the event continuing to befal me from the fifth, to the sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth time, and without one exception, I then could not avoid making a national reflection of it, which I do in these words;
That something is always wrong in a French post-chaise, upon first setting out.
Or the proposition may stand thus:
A French postilion has always to alight before he has got three hundred