The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy [199]
should the poor muleteer, then in his cups, consider it at all? he did not in the least-- 'tis time we do; let us leave him then in the vortex of his element, the happiest and most thoughtless of mortal men--and for a moment let us look after the mules, the abbess, and Margarita.
By virtue of the muleteer's two last strokes the mules had gone quietly on, following their own consciences up the hill, till they had conquer'd about one half of it; when the elder of them, a shrewd crafty old devil, at the turn of an angle, giving a side glance, and no muleteer behind them,--
By my fig! said she, swearing, I'll go no further--And if I do, replied the other, they shall make a drum of my hide.--
And so with one consent they stopp'd thus--
Chapter 4.III.
--Get on with you, said the abbess.
--Wh...ysh--ysh--cried Margarita.
Sh...a--shu..u--shu..u--sh..aw--shaw'd the abbess.
--Whu--v--w--whew--w--w--whuv'd Margarita, pursing up her sweet lips betwixt a hoot and a whistle.
Thump--thump--thump--obstreperated the abbess of Andouillets with the end of her gold-headed cane against the bottom of the calesh--
The old mule let a f...
Chapter 4.IV.
We are ruin'd and undone, my child, said the abbess to Margarita,--we shall be here all night--we shall be plunder'd--we shall be ravished--
--We shall be ravish'd, said Margarita, as sure as a gun.
Sancta Maria! cried the abbess (forgetting the O!)--why was I govern'd by this wicked stiff joint? why did I leave the convent of Andouillets? and why didst thou not suffer thy servant to go unpolluted to her tomb?
O my finger! my finger! cried the novice, catching fire at the word servant--why was I not content to put it here, or there, any where rather than be in this strait?
Strait! said the abbess.
Strait--said the novice; for terror had struck their understandings--the one knew not what she said--the other what she answer'd.
O my virginity! virginity! cried the abbess.
...inity! ...inity! said the novice, sobbing.
Chapter 4.V.
My dear mother, quoth the novice, coming a little to herself,--there are two certain words, which I have been told will force any horse, or ass, or mule, to go up a hill whether he will or no; be he never so obstinate or ill-will'd, the moment he hears them utter'd, he obeys. They are words magic! cried the abbess in the utmost horror--No; replied Margarita calmly- -but they are words sinful--What are they? quoth the abbess, interrupting her: They are sinful in the first degree, answered Margarita,--they are mortal--and if we are ravished and die unabsolved of them, we shall both- but you may pronounce them to me, quoth the abbess of Andouillets--They cannot, my dear mother, said the novice, be pronounced at all; they will make all the blood in one's body fly up into one's face--But you may whisper them in my ear, quoth the abbess.
Heaven! hadst thou no guardian angel to delegate to the inn at the bottom of the hill? was there no generous and friendly spirit unemployed--no agent in nature, by some monitory shivering, creeping along the artery which led to his heart, to rouse the muleteer from his banquet?--no sweet minstrelsy to bring back the fair idea of the abbess and Margarita, with their black rosaries!
Rouse! rouse!--but 'tis too late--the horrid words are pronounced this moment--
--and how to tell them--Ye, who can speak of every thing existing, with unpolluted lips--instruct me--guide me--
Chapter 4.VI.
All sins whatever, quoth the abbess, turning casuist in the distress they were under, are held by the confessor of our convent to be either mortal or venial: there is no further division. Now a venial sin being the slightest and least of all sins--being halved--by taking either only the half of it, and leaving the rest--or, by taking it all, and amicably halving it betwixt yourself and another person--in course becomes diluted into no sin at all.
Now I see no sin in saying, bou, bou, bou, bou, bou, a hundred times together; nor is there any turpitude in pronouncing the syllable
By virtue of the muleteer's two last strokes the mules had gone quietly on, following their own consciences up the hill, till they had conquer'd about one half of it; when the elder of them, a shrewd crafty old devil, at the turn of an angle, giving a side glance, and no muleteer behind them,--
By my fig! said she, swearing, I'll go no further--And if I do, replied the other, they shall make a drum of my hide.--
And so with one consent they stopp'd thus--
Chapter 4.III.
--Get on with you, said the abbess.
--Wh...ysh--ysh--cried Margarita.
Sh...a--shu..u--shu..u--sh..aw--shaw'd the abbess.
--Whu--v--w--whew--w--w--whuv'd Margarita, pursing up her sweet lips betwixt a hoot and a whistle.
Thump--thump--thump--obstreperated the abbess of Andouillets with the end of her gold-headed cane against the bottom of the calesh--
The old mule let a f...
Chapter 4.IV.
We are ruin'd and undone, my child, said the abbess to Margarita,--we shall be here all night--we shall be plunder'd--we shall be ravished--
--We shall be ravish'd, said Margarita, as sure as a gun.
Sancta Maria! cried the abbess (forgetting the O!)--why was I govern'd by this wicked stiff joint? why did I leave the convent of Andouillets? and why didst thou not suffer thy servant to go unpolluted to her tomb?
O my finger! my finger! cried the novice, catching fire at the word servant--why was I not content to put it here, or there, any where rather than be in this strait?
Strait! said the abbess.
Strait--said the novice; for terror had struck their understandings--the one knew not what she said--the other what she answer'd.
O my virginity! virginity! cried the abbess.
...inity! ...inity! said the novice, sobbing.
Chapter 4.V.
My dear mother, quoth the novice, coming a little to herself,--there are two certain words, which I have been told will force any horse, or ass, or mule, to go up a hill whether he will or no; be he never so obstinate or ill-will'd, the moment he hears them utter'd, he obeys. They are words magic! cried the abbess in the utmost horror--No; replied Margarita calmly- -but they are words sinful--What are they? quoth the abbess, interrupting her: They are sinful in the first degree, answered Margarita,--they are mortal--and if we are ravished and die unabsolved of them, we shall both- but you may pronounce them to me, quoth the abbess of Andouillets--They cannot, my dear mother, said the novice, be pronounced at all; they will make all the blood in one's body fly up into one's face--But you may whisper them in my ear, quoth the abbess.
Heaven! hadst thou no guardian angel to delegate to the inn at the bottom of the hill? was there no generous and friendly spirit unemployed--no agent in nature, by some monitory shivering, creeping along the artery which led to his heart, to rouse the muleteer from his banquet?--no sweet minstrelsy to bring back the fair idea of the abbess and Margarita, with their black rosaries!
Rouse! rouse!--but 'tis too late--the horrid words are pronounced this moment--
--and how to tell them--Ye, who can speak of every thing existing, with unpolluted lips--instruct me--guide me--
Chapter 4.VI.
All sins whatever, quoth the abbess, turning casuist in the distress they were under, are held by the confessor of our convent to be either mortal or venial: there is no further division. Now a venial sin being the slightest and least of all sins--being halved--by taking either only the half of it, and leaving the rest--or, by taking it all, and amicably halving it betwixt yourself and another person--in course becomes diluted into no sin at all.
Now I see no sin in saying, bou, bou, bou, bou, bou, a hundred times together; nor is there any turpitude in pronouncing the syllable