The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy [208]
had it been to Dodsley, or Becket, or any creditable bookseller, who was either leaving off business, and wanted a post-chaise--or who was beginning it--and wanted my remarks, and two or three guineas along with them--I could have borne it--but to a chaise-vamper!--shew me to him this moment, Francois,--said I- -The valet de place put on his hat, and led the way--and I pull'd off mine, as I pass'd the commissary, and followed him.
Chapter 4.XIX.
When we arrived at the chaise-vamper's house, both the house and the shop were shut up; it was the eighth of September, the nativity of the blessed Virgin Mary, mother of God--
--Tantarra-ra-tan-tivi--the whole world was gone out a May-poling--frisking here--capering there--no body cared a button for me or my remarks; so I sat me down upon a bench by the door, philosophating upon my condition: by a better fate than usually attends me, I had not waited half an hour, when the mistress came in to take the papilliotes from off her hair, before she went to the May-poles--
The French women, by the bye, love May-poles, a la folie--that is, as much as their matins--give 'em but a May-pole, whether in May, June, July or September--they never count the times--down it goes--'tis meat, drink, washing, and lodging to 'em--and had we but the policy, an' please your worships (as wood is a little scarce in France), to send them but plenty of May-poles--
The women would set them up; and when they had done, they would dance round them (and the men for company) till they were all blind.
The wife of the chaise-vamper stepp'd in, I told you, to take the papilliotes from off her hair--the toilet stands still for no man--so she jerk'd off her cap, to begin with them as she open'd the door, in doing which, one of them fell upon the ground--I instantly saw it was my own writing--
O Seigneur! cried I--you have got all my remarks upon your head, Madam!-- J'en suis bien mortifiee, said she--'tis well, thinks I, they have stuck there--for could they have gone deeper, they would have made such confusion in a French woman's noddle--She had better have gone with it unfrizled, to the day of eternity.
Tenez--said she--so without any idea of the nature of my suffering, she took them from her curls, and put them gravely one by one into my hat--one was twisted this way--another twisted that--ey! by my faith; and when they are published, quoth I,--
They will be worse twisted still.
Chapter 4.XX.
And now for Lippius's clock! said I, with the air of a man, who had got thro' all his difficulties--nothing can prevent us seeing that, and the Chinese history, &c. except the time, said Francois--for 'tis almost eleven--then we must speed the faster, said I, striding it away to the cathedral.
I cannot say, in my heart, that it gave me any concern in being told by one of the minor canons, as I was entering the west door,--That Lippius's great clock was all out of joints, and had not gone for some years--It will give me the more time, thought I, to peruse the Chinese history; and besides I shall be able to give the world a better account of the clock in its decay, than I could have done in its flourishing condition--
--And so away I posted to the college of the Jesuits.
Now it is with the project of getting a peep at the history of China in Chinese characters--as with many others I could mention, which strike the fancy only at a distance; for as I came nearer and nearer to the point--my blood cool'd--the freak gradually went off, till at length I would not have given a cherry-stone to have it gratified--The truth was, my time was short, and my heart was at the Tomb of the Lovers--I wish to God, said I, as I got the rapper in my hand, that the key of the library may be but lost; it fell out as well--
For all the Jesuits had got the cholic--and to that degree, as never was known in the memory of the oldest practitioner.
Chapter 4.XXI.
As I knew the geography of the Tomb of the Lovers, as well as if I had lived twenty years in Lyons, namely, that it was upon the turning of
Chapter 4.XIX.
When we arrived at the chaise-vamper's house, both the house and the shop were shut up; it was the eighth of September, the nativity of the blessed Virgin Mary, mother of God--
--Tantarra-ra-tan-tivi--the whole world was gone out a May-poling--frisking here--capering there--no body cared a button for me or my remarks; so I sat me down upon a bench by the door, philosophating upon my condition: by a better fate than usually attends me, I had not waited half an hour, when the mistress came in to take the papilliotes from off her hair, before she went to the May-poles--
The French women, by the bye, love May-poles, a la folie--that is, as much as their matins--give 'em but a May-pole, whether in May, June, July or September--they never count the times--down it goes--'tis meat, drink, washing, and lodging to 'em--and had we but the policy, an' please your worships (as wood is a little scarce in France), to send them but plenty of May-poles--
The women would set them up; and when they had done, they would dance round them (and the men for company) till they were all blind.
The wife of the chaise-vamper stepp'd in, I told you, to take the papilliotes from off her hair--the toilet stands still for no man--so she jerk'd off her cap, to begin with them as she open'd the door, in doing which, one of them fell upon the ground--I instantly saw it was my own writing--
O Seigneur! cried I--you have got all my remarks upon your head, Madam!-- J'en suis bien mortifiee, said she--'tis well, thinks I, they have stuck there--for could they have gone deeper, they would have made such confusion in a French woman's noddle--She had better have gone with it unfrizled, to the day of eternity.
Tenez--said she--so without any idea of the nature of my suffering, she took them from her curls, and put them gravely one by one into my hat--one was twisted this way--another twisted that--ey! by my faith; and when they are published, quoth I,--
They will be worse twisted still.
Chapter 4.XX.
And now for Lippius's clock! said I, with the air of a man, who had got thro' all his difficulties--nothing can prevent us seeing that, and the Chinese history, &c. except the time, said Francois--for 'tis almost eleven--then we must speed the faster, said I, striding it away to the cathedral.
I cannot say, in my heart, that it gave me any concern in being told by one of the minor canons, as I was entering the west door,--That Lippius's great clock was all out of joints, and had not gone for some years--It will give me the more time, thought I, to peruse the Chinese history; and besides I shall be able to give the world a better account of the clock in its decay, than I could have done in its flourishing condition--
--And so away I posted to the college of the Jesuits.
Now it is with the project of getting a peep at the history of China in Chinese characters--as with many others I could mention, which strike the fancy only at a distance; for as I came nearer and nearer to the point--my blood cool'd--the freak gradually went off, till at length I would not have given a cherry-stone to have it gratified--The truth was, my time was short, and my heart was at the Tomb of the Lovers--I wish to God, said I, as I got the rapper in my hand, that the key of the library may be but lost; it fell out as well--
For all the Jesuits had got the cholic--and to that degree, as never was known in the memory of the oldest practitioner.
Chapter 4.XXI.
As I knew the geography of the Tomb of the Lovers, as well as if I had lived twenty years in Lyons, namely, that it was upon the turning of