The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy [223]
dissertation upon gun-powder, and other military affairs, that tho' he had desired the corporal to go on, yet the many interruptions he had given, dwelt not so strong upon his fancy as to account for the epithet--Was he unfortunate, then, Trim? said my uncle Toby, pathetically--The corporal, wishing first the word and all its synonimas at the devil, forthwith began to run back in his mind, the principal events in the King of Bohemia's story; from every one of which, it appearing that he was the most fortunate man that ever existed in the world--it put the corporal to a stand: for not caring to retract his epithet--and less to explain it--and least of all, to twist his tale (like men of lore) to serve a system--he looked up in my uncle Toby's face for assistance--but seeing it was the very thing my uncle Toby sat in expectation of himself--after a hum and a haw, he went on--
The King of Bohemia, an' please your honour, replied the corporal, was unfortunate, as thus--That taking great pleasure and delight in navigation and all sort of sea affairs--and there happening throughout the whole kingdom of Bohemia, to be no sea-port town whatever--
How the duce should there--Trim? cried my uncle Toby; for Bohemia being totally inland, it could have happen'd no otherwise--It might, said Trim, if it had pleased God--
My uncle Toby never spoke of the being and natural attributes of God, but with diffidence and hesitation--
--I believe not, replied my uncle Toby, after some pause--for being inland, as I said, and having Silesia and Moravia to the east; Lusatia and Upper Saxony to the north; Franconia to the west; and Bavaria to the south; Bohemia could not have been propell'd to the sea without ceasing to be Bohemia--nor could the sea, on the other hand, have come up to Bohemia, without overflowing a great part of Germany, and destroying millions of unfortunate inhabitants who could make no defence against it--Scandalous! cried Trim--Which would bespeak, added my uncle Toby, mildly, such a want of compassion in him who is the father of it--that, I think, Trim--the thing could have happen'd no way.
The corporal made the bow of unfeign'd conviction; and went on.
Now the King of Bohemia with his queen and courtiers happening one fine summer's evening to walk out--Aye! there the word happening is right, Trim, cried my uncle Toby; for the King of Bohemia and his queen might have walk'd out or let it alone:--'twas a matter of contingency, which might happen, or not, just as chance ordered it.
King William was of an opinion, an' please your honour, quoth Trim, that every thing was predestined for us in this world; insomuch, that he would often say to his soldiers, that 'every ball had its billet.' He was a great man, said my uncle Toby--And I believe, continued Trim, to this day, that the shot which disabled me at the battle of Landen, was pointed at my knee for no other purpose, but to take me out of his service, and place me in your honour's, where I should be taken so much better care of in my old age--It shall never, Trim, be construed otherwise, said my uncle Toby.
The heart, both of the master and the man, were alike subject to sudden over-flowings;--a short silence ensued.
Besides, said the corporal, resuming the discourse--but in a gayer accent-- if it had not been for that single shot, I had never, 'an please your honour, been in love--
So, thou wast once in love, Trim! said my uncle Toby, smiling--
Souse! replied the corporal--over head and ears! an' please your honour. Prithee when? where?--and how came it to pass?--I never heard one word of it before; quoth my uncle Toby:--I dare say, answered Trim, that every drummer and serjeant's son in the regiment knew of it--It's high time I should--said my uncle Toby.
Your honour remembers with concern, said the corporal, the total rout and confusion of our camp and army at the affair of Landen; every one was left to shift for himself; and if it had not been for the regiments of Wyndham, Lumley, and Galway, which covered the retreat over the bridge Neerspeeken,
The King of Bohemia, an' please your honour, replied the corporal, was unfortunate, as thus--That taking great pleasure and delight in navigation and all sort of sea affairs--and there happening throughout the whole kingdom of Bohemia, to be no sea-port town whatever--
How the duce should there--Trim? cried my uncle Toby; for Bohemia being totally inland, it could have happen'd no otherwise--It might, said Trim, if it had pleased God--
My uncle Toby never spoke of the being and natural attributes of God, but with diffidence and hesitation--
--I believe not, replied my uncle Toby, after some pause--for being inland, as I said, and having Silesia and Moravia to the east; Lusatia and Upper Saxony to the north; Franconia to the west; and Bavaria to the south; Bohemia could not have been propell'd to the sea without ceasing to be Bohemia--nor could the sea, on the other hand, have come up to Bohemia, without overflowing a great part of Germany, and destroying millions of unfortunate inhabitants who could make no defence against it--Scandalous! cried Trim--Which would bespeak, added my uncle Toby, mildly, such a want of compassion in him who is the father of it--that, I think, Trim--the thing could have happen'd no way.
The corporal made the bow of unfeign'd conviction; and went on.
Now the King of Bohemia with his queen and courtiers happening one fine summer's evening to walk out--Aye! there the word happening is right, Trim, cried my uncle Toby; for the King of Bohemia and his queen might have walk'd out or let it alone:--'twas a matter of contingency, which might happen, or not, just as chance ordered it.
King William was of an opinion, an' please your honour, quoth Trim, that every thing was predestined for us in this world; insomuch, that he would often say to his soldiers, that 'every ball had its billet.' He was a great man, said my uncle Toby--And I believe, continued Trim, to this day, that the shot which disabled me at the battle of Landen, was pointed at my knee for no other purpose, but to take me out of his service, and place me in your honour's, where I should be taken so much better care of in my old age--It shall never, Trim, be construed otherwise, said my uncle Toby.
The heart, both of the master and the man, were alike subject to sudden over-flowings;--a short silence ensued.
Besides, said the corporal, resuming the discourse--but in a gayer accent-- if it had not been for that single shot, I had never, 'an please your honour, been in love--
So, thou wast once in love, Trim! said my uncle Toby, smiling--
Souse! replied the corporal--over head and ears! an' please your honour. Prithee when? where?--and how came it to pass?--I never heard one word of it before; quoth my uncle Toby:--I dare say, answered Trim, that every drummer and serjeant's son in the regiment knew of it--It's high time I should--said my uncle Toby.
Your honour remembers with concern, said the corporal, the total rout and confusion of our camp and army at the affair of Landen; every one was left to shift for himself; and if it had not been for the regiments of Wyndham, Lumley, and Galway, which covered the retreat over the bridge Neerspeeken,