The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy [234]
with her, and she gives thee occasion to lay thy hand upon hers--beware of taking it--thou canst not lay thy hand on hers, but she will feel the temper of thine. Leave that and as many other things as thou canst, quite undetermined; by so doing, thou wilt have her curiosity on thy side; and if she is not conquered by that, and thy Asse continues still kicking, which there is great reason to suppose--Thou must begin, with first losing a few ounces of blood below the ears, according to the practice of the ancient Scythians, who cured the most intemperate fits of the appetite by that means.
Avicenna, after this, is for having the part anointed with the syrup of hellebore, using proper evacuations and purges--and I believe rightly. But thou must eat little or no goat's flesh, nor red deer--nor even foal's flesh by any means; and carefully abstain--that is, as much as thou canst, from peacocks, cranes, coots, didappers, and water-hens--
As for thy drink--I need not tell thee, it must be the infusion of Vervain and the herb Hanea, of which Aelian relates such effects--but if thy stomach palls with it--discontinue it from time to time, taking cucumbers, melons, purslane, water-lillies, woodbine, and lettice, in the stead of them.
There is nothing further for thee, which occurs to me at present--
--Unless the breaking out of a fresh war--So wishing every thing, dear Toby, for best,
I rest thy affectionate brother,
Walter Shandy.
Chapter 4.LIX.
Whilst my father was writing his letter of instructions, my uncle Toby and the corporal were busy in preparing every thing for the attack. As the turning of the thin scarlet breeches was laid aside (at least for the present), there was nothing which should put it off beyond the next morning; so accordingly it was resolv'd upon, for eleven o'clock.
Come, my dear, said my father to my mother--'twill be but like a brother and sister, if you and I take a walk down to my brother Toby's--to countenance him in this attack of his.
My uncle Toby and the corporal had been accoutred both some time, when my father and mother enter'd, and the clock striking eleven, were that moment in motion to sally forth--but the account of this is worth more than to be wove into the fag end of the eighth (Alluding to the first edition.) volume of such a work as this.--My father had no time but to put the letter of instructions into my uncle Toby's coat-pocket--and join with my mother in wishing his attack prosperous.
I could like, said my mother, to look through the key-hole out of curiosity--Call it by its right name, my dear, quoth my father--
And look through the key-hole as long as you will.
Chapter 4.LX.
I call all the powers of time and chance, which severally check us in our careers in this world, to bear me witness, that I could never yet get fairly to my uncle Toby's amours, till this very moment, that my mother's curiosity, as she stated the affair,--or a different impulse in her, as my father would have it--wished her to take a peep at them through the key- hole.
'Call it, my dear, by its right name, quoth my father, and look through the key-hole as long as you will.'
Nothing but the fermentation of that little subacid humour, which I have often spoken of, in my father's habit, could have vented such an insinuation--he was however frank and generous in his nature, and at all times open to conviction; so that he had scarce got to the last word of this ungracious retort, when his conscience smote him.
My mother was then conjugally swinging with her left arm twisted under his right, in such wise, that the inside of her hand rested upon the back of his--she raised her fingers, and let them fall--it could scarce be call'd a tap; or if it was a tap--'twould have puzzled a casuist to say, whether 'twas a tap of remonstrance, or a tap of confession: my father, who was all sensibilities from head to foot, class'd it right--Conscience redoubled her blow--he turn'd his face suddenly the other way, and my mother supposing his body was about to turn with it in
Avicenna, after this, is for having the part anointed with the syrup of hellebore, using proper evacuations and purges--and I believe rightly. But thou must eat little or no goat's flesh, nor red deer--nor even foal's flesh by any means; and carefully abstain--that is, as much as thou canst, from peacocks, cranes, coots, didappers, and water-hens--
As for thy drink--I need not tell thee, it must be the infusion of Vervain and the herb Hanea, of which Aelian relates such effects--but if thy stomach palls with it--discontinue it from time to time, taking cucumbers, melons, purslane, water-lillies, woodbine, and lettice, in the stead of them.
There is nothing further for thee, which occurs to me at present--
--Unless the breaking out of a fresh war--So wishing every thing, dear Toby, for best,
I rest thy affectionate brother,
Walter Shandy.
Chapter 4.LIX.
Whilst my father was writing his letter of instructions, my uncle Toby and the corporal were busy in preparing every thing for the attack. As the turning of the thin scarlet breeches was laid aside (at least for the present), there was nothing which should put it off beyond the next morning; so accordingly it was resolv'd upon, for eleven o'clock.
Come, my dear, said my father to my mother--'twill be but like a brother and sister, if you and I take a walk down to my brother Toby's--to countenance him in this attack of his.
My uncle Toby and the corporal had been accoutred both some time, when my father and mother enter'd, and the clock striking eleven, were that moment in motion to sally forth--but the account of this is worth more than to be wove into the fag end of the eighth (Alluding to the first edition.) volume of such a work as this.--My father had no time but to put the letter of instructions into my uncle Toby's coat-pocket--and join with my mother in wishing his attack prosperous.
I could like, said my mother, to look through the key-hole out of curiosity--Call it by its right name, my dear, quoth my father--
And look through the key-hole as long as you will.
Chapter 4.LX.
I call all the powers of time and chance, which severally check us in our careers in this world, to bear me witness, that I could never yet get fairly to my uncle Toby's amours, till this very moment, that my mother's curiosity, as she stated the affair,--or a different impulse in her, as my father would have it--wished her to take a peep at them through the key- hole.
'Call it, my dear, by its right name, quoth my father, and look through the key-hole as long as you will.'
Nothing but the fermentation of that little subacid humour, which I have often spoken of, in my father's habit, could have vented such an insinuation--he was however frank and generous in his nature, and at all times open to conviction; so that he had scarce got to the last word of this ungracious retort, when his conscience smote him.
My mother was then conjugally swinging with her left arm twisted under his right, in such wise, that the inside of her hand rested upon the back of his--she raised her fingers, and let them fall--it could scarce be call'd a tap; or if it was a tap--'twould have puzzled a casuist to say, whether 'twas a tap of remonstrance, or a tap of confession: my father, who was all sensibilities from head to foot, class'd it right--Conscience redoubled her blow--he turn'd his face suddenly the other way, and my mother supposing his body was about to turn with it in