The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy [36]
the search of Truth.
No sooner was my uncle Toby satisfied which road the cannon-ball did not go, but he was insensibly led on, and resolved in his mind to enquire and find out which road the ball did go: For which purpose he was obliged to set off afresh with old Maltus, and studied him devoutly.--He proceeded next to Galileo and Torricellius, wherein, by certain Geometrical rules, infallibly laid down, he found the precise path to be a Parabola--or else an Hyperbola,--and that the parameter, or latus rectum, of the conic section of the said path, was to the quantity and amplitude in a direct ratio, as the whole line to the sine of double the angle of incidence, formed by the breech upon an horizontal plane;--and that the semiparameter,--stop! my dear uncle Toby--stop!--go not one foot farther into this thorny and bewildered track,--intricate are the steps! intricate are the mazes of this labyrinth! intricate are the troubles which the pursuit of this bewitching phantom Knowledge will bring upon thee.--O my uncle;--fly--fly,--fly from it as from a serpent.--Is it fit--goodnatured man! thou should'st sit up, with the wound upon thy groin, whole nights baking thy blood with hectic watchings?--Alas! 'twill exasperate thy symptoms,--check thy perspirations--evaporate thy spirits--waste thy animal strength, dry up thy radical moisture, bring thee into a costive habit of body,--impair thy health,--and hasten all the infirmities of thy old age.-- O my uncle! my uncle Toby.
Chapter 1.XXIX.
I would not give a groat for that man's knowledge in pen-craft, who does not understand this,--That the best plain narrative in the world, tacked very close to the last spirited apostrophe to my uncle Toby--would have felt both cold and vapid upon the reader's palate;--therefore I forthwith put an end to the chapter, though I was in the middle of my story.
--Writers of my stamp have one principle in common with painters. Where an exact copying makes our pictures less striking, we choose the less evil; deeming it even more pardonable to trespass against truth, than beauty. This is to be understood cum grano salis; but be it as it will,--as the parallel is made more for the sake of letting the apostrophe cool, than any thing else,--'tis not very material whether upon any other score the reader approves of it or not.
In the latter end of the third year, my uncle Toby perceiving that the parameter and semi-parameter of the conic section angered his wound, he left off the study of projectiles in a kind of a huff, and betook himself to the practical part of fortification only; the pleasure of which, like a spring held back, returned upon him with redoubled force.
It was in this year that my uncle began to break in upon the daily regularity of a clean shirt,--to dismiss his barber unshaven,--and to allow his surgeon scarce time sufficient to dress his wound, concerning himself so little about it, as not to ask him once in seven times dressing, how it went on: when, lo!--all of a sudden, for the change was quick as lightning, he began to sigh heavily for his recovery,--complained to my father, grew impatient with the surgeon:--and one morning, as he heard his foot coming up stairs, he shut up his books, and thrust aside his instruments, in order to expostulate with him upon the protraction of the cure, which, he told him, might surely have been accomplished at least by that time:--He dwelt long upon the miseries he had undergone, and the sorrows of his four years melancholy imprisonment;--adding, that had it not been for the kind looks and fraternal chearings of the best of brothers,-- he had long since sunk under his misfortunes.--My father was by. My uncle Toby's eloquence brought tears into his eyes;--'twas unexpected:--My uncle Toby, by nature was not eloquent;--it had the greater effect:--The surgeon was confounded;--not that there wanted grounds for such, or greater marks of impatience,--but 'twas unexpected too; in the four years he had attended him, he had never seen any thing like it in my uncle Toby's carriage; he had
No sooner was my uncle Toby satisfied which road the cannon-ball did not go, but he was insensibly led on, and resolved in his mind to enquire and find out which road the ball did go: For which purpose he was obliged to set off afresh with old Maltus, and studied him devoutly.--He proceeded next to Galileo and Torricellius, wherein, by certain Geometrical rules, infallibly laid down, he found the precise path to be a Parabola--or else an Hyperbola,--and that the parameter, or latus rectum, of the conic section of the said path, was to the quantity and amplitude in a direct ratio, as the whole line to the sine of double the angle of incidence, formed by the breech upon an horizontal plane;--and that the semiparameter,--stop! my dear uncle Toby--stop!--go not one foot farther into this thorny and bewildered track,--intricate are the steps! intricate are the mazes of this labyrinth! intricate are the troubles which the pursuit of this bewitching phantom Knowledge will bring upon thee.--O my uncle;--fly--fly,--fly from it as from a serpent.--Is it fit--goodnatured man! thou should'st sit up, with the wound upon thy groin, whole nights baking thy blood with hectic watchings?--Alas! 'twill exasperate thy symptoms,--check thy perspirations--evaporate thy spirits--waste thy animal strength, dry up thy radical moisture, bring thee into a costive habit of body,--impair thy health,--and hasten all the infirmities of thy old age.-- O my uncle! my uncle Toby.
Chapter 1.XXIX.
I would not give a groat for that man's knowledge in pen-craft, who does not understand this,--That the best plain narrative in the world, tacked very close to the last spirited apostrophe to my uncle Toby--would have felt both cold and vapid upon the reader's palate;--therefore I forthwith put an end to the chapter, though I was in the middle of my story.
--Writers of my stamp have one principle in common with painters. Where an exact copying makes our pictures less striking, we choose the less evil; deeming it even more pardonable to trespass against truth, than beauty. This is to be understood cum grano salis; but be it as it will,--as the parallel is made more for the sake of letting the apostrophe cool, than any thing else,--'tis not very material whether upon any other score the reader approves of it or not.
In the latter end of the third year, my uncle Toby perceiving that the parameter and semi-parameter of the conic section angered his wound, he left off the study of projectiles in a kind of a huff, and betook himself to the practical part of fortification only; the pleasure of which, like a spring held back, returned upon him with redoubled force.
It was in this year that my uncle began to break in upon the daily regularity of a clean shirt,--to dismiss his barber unshaven,--and to allow his surgeon scarce time sufficient to dress his wound, concerning himself so little about it, as not to ask him once in seven times dressing, how it went on: when, lo!--all of a sudden, for the change was quick as lightning, he began to sigh heavily for his recovery,--complained to my father, grew impatient with the surgeon:--and one morning, as he heard his foot coming up stairs, he shut up his books, and thrust aside his instruments, in order to expostulate with him upon the protraction of the cure, which, he told him, might surely have been accomplished at least by that time:--He dwelt long upon the miseries he had undergone, and the sorrows of his four years melancholy imprisonment;--adding, that had it not been for the kind looks and fraternal chearings of the best of brothers,-- he had long since sunk under his misfortunes.--My father was by. My uncle Toby's eloquence brought tears into his eyes;--'twas unexpected:--My uncle Toby, by nature was not eloquent;--it had the greater effect:--The surgeon was confounded;--not that there wanted grounds for such, or greater marks of impatience,--but 'twas unexpected too; in the four years he had attended him, he had never seen any thing like it in my uncle Toby's carriage; he had