The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy [48]
replied my uncle Toby, as well, if not better; for, as Peireskius elegantly expresses it, speaking of the velocity of its motion, Tam citus erat, quam erat ventus; which, unless I have forgot my Latin, is, that it was as swift as the wind itself.
But pray, Dr. Slop, quoth my father, interrupting my uncle (tho' not without begging pardon for it at the same time) upon what principles was this self-same chariot set a-going?--Upon very pretty principles to be sure, replied Dr. Slop:--And I have often wondered, continued he, evading the question, why none of our gentry, who live upon large plains like this of ours,--(especially they whose wives are not past child-bearing) attempt nothing of this kind; for it would not only be infinitely expeditious upon sudden calls, to which the sex is subject,--if the wind only served,--but would be excellent good husbandry to make use of the winds, which cost nothing, and which eat nothing, rather than horses, which (the devil take 'em) both cost and eat a great deal.
For that very reason, replied my father, 'Because they cost nothing, and because they eat nothing,'--the scheme is bad;--it is the consumption of our products, as well as the manufactures of them, which gives bread to the hungry, circulates trade,--brings in money, and supports the value of our lands;--and tho', I own, if I was a Prince, I would generously recompense the scientifick head which brought forth such contrivances;--yet I would as peremptorily suppress the use of them.
My father here had got into his element,--and was going on as prosperously with his dissertation upon trade, as my uncle Toby had before, upon his of fortification;--but to the loss of much sound knowledge, the destinies in the morning had decreed that no dissertation of any kind should be spun by my father that day,--for as he opened his mouth to begin the next sentence,
Chapter 1.XL.
In popped Corporal Trim with Stevinus:--But 'twas too late,--all the discourse had been exhausted without him, and was running into a new channel.
--You may take the book home again, Trim, said my uncle Toby, nodding to him.
But prithee, Corporal, quoth my father, drolling,--look first into it, and see if thou canst spy aught of a sailing chariot in it.
Corporal Trim, by being in the service, had learned to obey,--and not to remonstrate,--so taking the book to a side-table, and running over the leaves; An' please your Honour, said Trim, I can see no such thing;-- however, continued the Corporal, drolling a little in his turn, I'll make sure work of it, an' please your Honour;--so taking hold of the two covers of the book, one in each hand, and letting the leaves fall down as he bent the covers back, he gave the book a good sound shake.
There is something falling out, however, said Trim, an' please your Honour;--but it is not a chariot, or any thing like one:--Prithee, Corporal, said my father, smiling, what is it then?--I think, answered Trim, stooping to take it up,--'tis more like a sermon,--for it begins with a text of scripture, and the chapter and verse;--and then goes on, not as a chariot, but like a sermon directly.
The company smiled.
I cannot conceive how it is possible, quoth my uncle Toby, for such a thing as a sermon to have got into my Stevinus.
I think 'tis a sermon, replied Trim:--but if it please your Honours, as it is a fair hand, I will read you a page;--for Trim, you must know, loved to hear himself read almost as well as talk.
I have ever a strong propensity, said my father, to look into things which cross my way, by such strange fatalities as these;--and as we have nothing better to do, at least till Obadiah gets back, I shall be obliged to you, brother, if Dr. Slop has no objection to it, to order the Corporal to give us a page or two of it,--if he is as able to do it, as he seems willing. An' please your honour, quoth Trim, I officiated two whole campaigns, in Flanders, as clerk to the chaplain of the regiment.--He can read it, quoth my uncle Toby, as well as I can.--Trim, I assure you, was the best scholar
But pray, Dr. Slop, quoth my father, interrupting my uncle (tho' not without begging pardon for it at the same time) upon what principles was this self-same chariot set a-going?--Upon very pretty principles to be sure, replied Dr. Slop:--And I have often wondered, continued he, evading the question, why none of our gentry, who live upon large plains like this of ours,--(especially they whose wives are not past child-bearing) attempt nothing of this kind; for it would not only be infinitely expeditious upon sudden calls, to which the sex is subject,--if the wind only served,--but would be excellent good husbandry to make use of the winds, which cost nothing, and which eat nothing, rather than horses, which (the devil take 'em) both cost and eat a great deal.
For that very reason, replied my father, 'Because they cost nothing, and because they eat nothing,'--the scheme is bad;--it is the consumption of our products, as well as the manufactures of them, which gives bread to the hungry, circulates trade,--brings in money, and supports the value of our lands;--and tho', I own, if I was a Prince, I would generously recompense the scientifick head which brought forth such contrivances;--yet I would as peremptorily suppress the use of them.
My father here had got into his element,--and was going on as prosperously with his dissertation upon trade, as my uncle Toby had before, upon his of fortification;--but to the loss of much sound knowledge, the destinies in the morning had decreed that no dissertation of any kind should be spun by my father that day,--for as he opened his mouth to begin the next sentence,
Chapter 1.XL.
In popped Corporal Trim with Stevinus:--But 'twas too late,--all the discourse had been exhausted without him, and was running into a new channel.
--You may take the book home again, Trim, said my uncle Toby, nodding to him.
But prithee, Corporal, quoth my father, drolling,--look first into it, and see if thou canst spy aught of a sailing chariot in it.
Corporal Trim, by being in the service, had learned to obey,--and not to remonstrate,--so taking the book to a side-table, and running over the leaves; An' please your Honour, said Trim, I can see no such thing;-- however, continued the Corporal, drolling a little in his turn, I'll make sure work of it, an' please your Honour;--so taking hold of the two covers of the book, one in each hand, and letting the leaves fall down as he bent the covers back, he gave the book a good sound shake.
There is something falling out, however, said Trim, an' please your Honour;--but it is not a chariot, or any thing like one:--Prithee, Corporal, said my father, smiling, what is it then?--I think, answered Trim, stooping to take it up,--'tis more like a sermon,--for it begins with a text of scripture, and the chapter and verse;--and then goes on, not as a chariot, but like a sermon directly.
The company smiled.
I cannot conceive how it is possible, quoth my uncle Toby, for such a thing as a sermon to have got into my Stevinus.
I think 'tis a sermon, replied Trim:--but if it please your Honours, as it is a fair hand, I will read you a page;--for Trim, you must know, loved to hear himself read almost as well as talk.
I have ever a strong propensity, said my father, to look into things which cross my way, by such strange fatalities as these;--and as we have nothing better to do, at least till Obadiah gets back, I shall be obliged to you, brother, if Dr. Slop has no objection to it, to order the Corporal to give us a page or two of it,--if he is as able to do it, as he seems willing. An' please your honour, quoth Trim, I officiated two whole campaigns, in Flanders, as clerk to the chaplain of the regiment.--He can read it, quoth my uncle Toby, as well as I can.--Trim, I assure you, was the best scholar