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* ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** *——Very well,—said my father,* ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** * * ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** * * ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** *—nay, if it has that convenience——and so without stopping a moment to settle it first in his mind, whether the Jews had it from the Egyptians, or the Egyptians from the Jews,—he rose up, and rubbing his forehead two or three times across with the palm of his hand, in the manner we rub out the footsteps of care, when evil has trod lighter upon us than we foreboded,—he shut the book, and walked down stairs.—Nay, said he, mentioning the name of a different great nation upon every step as he set his foot upon it—if the EGYPTIANS,—the SYRIANS,—the PHOENICIANS,—the ARABIANS,—the CAPADOCIANS,——if the COLCHI, and TROGLODYTES did it——if SOLON and PYTHAGORAS4 submitted,—what is TRISTRAM?——Who am I, that I should fret or fume one moment about the matter?

CHAP. XXVIII

Dear Yorick, said my father smiling, (for Yorick had broke his rank with my uncle Toby in coming through the narrow entry, and so had stept first into the parlour)—this Tristram of ours, I find, comes very hardly by all his religious rites.—Never was the son of Jew, Christian, Turk, or Infidel initiated into them in so oblique and slovenly a manner.—But he is no worse, I trust, said Yorick.—There has been certainly, continued my father, the duce and all to do in some part or other of the ecliptic,1 when this offspring of mine was formed.—That, you are a better judge of than I, replied Yorick.—Astrologers, quoth my father, know better than us both:—the trine and sextil aspects have jumped awry,—or the opposite of their ascendents have not hit it, as they should,—or the lords of the genitures2 (as they call them) have been at bo-peep,3—or something has been wrong above, or below with us.

’Tis possible, answered Yorick.—But is the child, cried my uncle Toby, the worse?—The Troglodytes4 say not, replied my father.—And your theologists, Yorick, tell us—Theologically? said Yorick,—or speaking after the manner of * apothecaries?—† statesmen?—or ‡ washer-women?5

——I’m not sure, replied my father,—but they tell us, brother Toby, he’s the better for it.——Provided, said Yorick, you travel him into Egypt.——Of that, answered my father, he will have the advantage, when he sees the Pyramids.——

Now every word of this, quoth my uncle Toby, is Arabick to me.——I wish, said Yorick, ’twas so, to half the world.

—§ Ilus,6 continued my father, circumcised his whole army one morning.—Not without a court martial? cried my uncle Toby.——Though the learned, continued he, taking no notice of my uncle Toby’s remark, but turning to Yorick,—are greatly divided still who Ilus was;—some say Saturn;—some the supream Being;—others, no more than a brigadier general under Pharoah-neco.7——Let him be who he will, said my uncle Toby, I know not by what article of war he could justify it.

The controvertists, answered my father, assign two and twenty different reasons for it:—others indeed, who have drawn their pens on the opposite side of the question, have shewn the world the futility of the greatest part of them.—But then again, our best polemic divines—I wish there was not a polemic divine, said Yorick, in the kingdom;—one ounce of practical divinity8—is worth a painted ship load of all their reverences have imported these fifty years.—Pray, Mr. Yorick, quoth my uncle Toby,—do tell me what a polemic divine is.——The best description, captain Shandy, I have ever read, is of a couple of ’em, replied Yorick, in the account of the battle fought single hands betwixt Gymnast and captain Tripet;9 which I have in my pocket.——I beg I may hear it, quoth my uncle Toby earnestly.—You shall, said Yorick.—And as the corporal is waiting for me at the door,—and I know the description of a battle, will do the poor fellow more good than his supper,—I beg, brother,