The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman - Laurence Sterne [266]
——My uncle Toby laid down his pipe to intercede for a better epithet——and Yorick was rising up to batter the whole hypothesis to pieces——
——When Obadiah broke into the middle of the room with a complaint, which cried out for an immediate hearing.
The case was this:
My father, whether by ancient customs of the manor, or as improprietor of the great tythes,4 was obliged to keep a Bull for the service of the Parish, and Obadiah had led his cow upon a pop-visit5 to him one day or other the preceeding summer——I say, one day or other—because as chance would have it, it was the day on which he was married to my father’s house-maid——so one was a reckoning to the other. Therefore when Obadiah’s wife was brought to bed—Obadiah thanked God——
——Now, said Obadiah, I shall have a calf: so Obadiah went daily to visit his cow.
She’ll calve on Monday—on Tuesday—or Wednesday at the farthest——
The cow did not calve——no—she’ll not calve till next week——the cow put it off terribly——till at the end of the sixth week Obadiah’s suspicions (like a good man’s) fell upon the Bull.
Now the parish being very large, my father’s Bull, to speak the truth of him, was no way equal to the department; he had, however, got himself, somehow or other, thrust into employment—and as he went through the business with a grave face, my father had a high opinion of him.
——Most of the townsmen, an’ please your worship, quoth Obadiah, believe that ’tis all the Bull’s fault——
——But may not a cow be barren? replied my father, turning to Doctor Slop.
It never happens: said Dr. Slop, but the man’s wife may have come before her time naturally enough——Prithee has the child hair upon his head?—added Dr. Slop———
——It is as hairy as I am;6 said Obadiah.——Obadiah had not been shaved for three weeks——Wheu - - u - - - - u - - - - - - - - cried my father; beginning the sentence with an exclamatory whistle——and so, brother Toby, this poor Bull of mine, who is as good a Bull as ever p—ss’d, and might have done for Europa herself in purer times——had he but two legs less, might have been driven into Doctors Commons7 and lost his character——which to a Town Bull, brother Toby, is the very same thing as his life———
L–d! said my mother, what is all this story about?——
A COCK and a BULL,8 said Yorick——And one of the best of its kind, I ever heard.
The END of the NINTH VOLUME.
NOTES
Samuel Johnson claimed, “There is not so poor a book in the world that would not be a prodigious effort were it wrought out entirely by a single mind, without the aid of prior investigators” (James Boswell, Life of Johnson, ed. G. B. Hill, rev. L. F. Powell [Oxford: Clarendon Press, 1934–50, 1:454]). My edition is deeply indebted to “prior investigators,” especially the pioneering edition of James Work, the compendious Florida Edition, and the most recent serious edition of Melvyn New, as well as Sterne scholarship from Sterne’s day to ours, and a number of friends and students. I am grateful to W. B. Carnochan, Giles Coren, Robert Erickson, Judith Hawley, Tom Keymer, Ian Campbell Ross, and Peter de Voogd. Walter Wadiak and Andrew Warren served as research assistants. Tim Farrell and Webster Younce were my editors at Random House, and Julia Cheiffetz helped cheerfully in the late stages. As always, Vivian Folkenflik and David Folkenflik helped in countless ways. I have attempted to assign significant observations to the editors or scholars who first noted them, work that began in the eighteenth century. If, however, like every other editor of Sterne of whom I am aware, I have missed earlier recognitions, those previous scholars deserve the credit. Following the lead of Ian Watt, I have put terms of fortification in a separate military glossary.
ABBREVIATIONS
Bacon: Francis Bacon, Essays (London, 1701).
Baillet: Adrien Baillet, Des enfants