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By Root 1788 0

These my uncle Toby had in common with his species;——and either of them had been sufficient to account for his earnest desire to get well and out of doors;—but I have told you before that nothing wrought with our family after the common way;—and from the time and manner in which this eager desire shew’d itself in the present case, the penetrating reader will suspect there was some other cause or crotchet for it in my uncle Toby’s head:—There was so, and ’tis the subject of the next chapter to set forth what that cause and crotchet was. I own, when that’s done, ’twill be time to return back to the parlour fire-side, where we left my uncle Toby in the middle of his sentence.

CHAP. V

When a man gives himself up to the government of a ruling passion,——or, in other words, when his HOBBY-HORSE grows head-strong,——farewell cool reason and fair discretion!1

My uncle Toby’s wound was near well, and as soon as the surgeon recovered his surprize, and could get leave to say as much—he told him, ’twas just beginning to incarnate;2 and that if no fresh exfoliation happen’d, which there was no signs of,—it would be dried up in five or six weeks. The sound of as many olympiads twelve hours before, would have convey’d an idea of shorter duration to my uncle Toby’s mind.—The succession of his ideas3 was now rapid,—he broil’d with impatience to put his design in execution;—and so, without consulting further with any soul living,——which, by the bye, I think is right, when you are predetermined to take no one soul’s advice,—he privately ordered Trim, his man, to pack up a bundle of lint and dressings, and hire a chariot and four to be at the door exactly by twelve o’clock that day, when he knew my father would be upon ’Change.4——So leaving a bank-note upon the table for the surgeon’s care of him, and a letter of tender thanks for his brother’s,——he pack’d up his maps, his books of fortification, his instruments, &c.—and, by the help of a crutch on one side, and Trim on the other,——my uncle Toby embark’d for Shandy-Hall.

The reason, or rather the rise, of this sudden demigration,5 was as follows:

The table in my uncle Toby’s room, and at which, the night before this change happened, he was sitting with his maps, &c. about him,—being somewhat of the smallest, for that infinity of great and small instruments of knowledge which usually lay crouded upon it;—he had the accident, in reaching over for his tobacco-box, to throw down his compasses, and in stooping to take the compasses up, with his sleeve he threw down his case of instruments and snuffers;—and as the dice took a run against him, in his endeavouring to catch the snuffers in falling,—he thrust Monsieur Blondel off the table and Count de Pagan o’ top of him.

’twas to no purpose for a man, lame as my uncle Toby was, to think of redressing all these evils by himself,—he rung his bell for his man Trim;—Trim! quoth my uncle Toby, pri’thee see what confusion I have here been making.—I must have some better contrivance, Trim.—Can’st not thou take my rule and measure the length and breadth of this table, and then go and bespeak me one as big again?—Yes, an’ please your Honour, replied Trim, making a bow;——but I hope your Honour will be soon well enough to get down to your country seat, where,—as your Honour takes so much pleasure in fortification, we could manage this matter to a T.

I must here inform you, that this servant of my uncle Toby’s, who went by the name of Trim, had been a Corporal in my uncle’s own company,——his real name was James Butler,6——but having got the nick-name of Trim in the regiment, my uncle Toby, unless when he happened to be very angry with him, would never call him by any other name.

The poor fellow had been disabled for the service, by a wound on his left knee by a musket-bullet, at the battle of Landen, which was two years before the affair of Namur;—and as the fellow was well beloved in the regiment, and a handy fellow into the bargain, my uncle Toby took him for his servant, and of excellent use was he, attending my uncle Toby in the camp and in his quarters