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For that very reason, replied my father, “Because they cost nothing, and because they eat nothing,”—the scheme is bad;—it is the consumption of our products, as well as the manufactures of them, which gives bread to the hungry, circulates trade,—brings in money, and supports the value of our lands;—and Tho’, I own, if I was a Prince, I would generously recompence the scientifick head8 which brought forth such contrivances;—yet I would as peremptorily suppress the use of them.

My father here had got into his element,—and was going on as prosperously with his dissertation upon trade, as my uncle Toby had before, upon his of fortification;—but, to the loss of much sound knowledge, the destinies in the morning had decreed that no dissertation of any kind should be spun by my father that day;——for as he opened his mouth to begin the next sentence,

CHAP. XV

In popp’d Corporal Trim with Stevinus:—But ’twas too late,—all the discourse had been exhausted without him, and was running into a new channel.

—You may take the book home again, Trim, said my uncle Toby, nodding to him.

But pri’thee, Corporal, quoth my father, drolling,—look first into it, and see if thou can’st spy aught of a sailing chariot in it.

Corporal Trim, by being in the service, had learned to obey,—and not to remonstrate;——so taking the book to a side-table, and running over the leaves; an’ please your Honour, said Trim, I can see no such thing;—however, continued the Corporal, drolling a little in his turn, I’ll make sure work of it, an’ please your Honour;—so taking hold of the two covers of the book, one in each hand, and letting the leaves fall down, as he bent the covers back, he gave the book a good sound shake.

There is something fallen out, however, said Trim, an’ please your Honour; but it is not a chariot, or any thing like one:—Pri’thee Corporal, said my father, smiling, what is it then?—I think, answered Trim, stooping to take it up,—’tis more like a sermon,—for it begins, with a text of scripture, and the chapter and verse;—and then goes on, not as a chariot,—but like a sermon directly.

The company smiled.

I cannot conceive how it is possible, quoth my uncle Toby, for such a thing as a sermon to have got into my Stevinus.

I think ’tis a sermon, replied Trim;—but if it please your Honours, as it is a fair hand, I will read you a page;—for Trim, you must know, loved to hear himself read almost as well as talk.

I have ever a strong propensity, said my father, to look into things which cross my way, by such strange fatalities as these;—and as we have nothing better to do, at least till Obadiah gets back, I should be obliged to you, brother, if Dr. Slop has no objection to it, to order the Corporal to give us a page or two of it,—if he is as able to do it, as he seems willing. An’ please your Honour, quoth Trim, I officiated two whole campaigns in Flanders, as Clerk to the Chaplain of the Regiment.—He can read it, quoth my uncle Toby, as well as I can.—Trim, I assure you, was the best scholar in my company, and should have had the next Halberd,1 but for the poor fellow’s misfortune. Corporal Trim laid his hand upon his heart, and made a humble bow to his Master;–then laying down his hat upon the floor, and taking up the sermon in his left hand, in order to have his right at liberty,—he advanced, nothing doubting, into the middle of the room, where he could best see, and be best seen by, his audience.

CHAP. XVI

——If you have any objection,—said my father, addressing himself to Dr. Slop: Not in the least, replied Dr. Slop;—for it does not appear on which side of the question it is wrote;——it may be a composition of a divine of our church, as well as yours,—so that we run equal risks.——’tis wrote upon neither side, quoth Trim, for ’tis only upon Conscience, an’ please your Honours.

Trim’s reason put his audience into good humour,—all but Dr. Slop, who, turning his head about towards Trim, look’d a little angry.

Begin, Trim,——and read distinctly, quoth my father;—I will, an’ please your Honour, replied