The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman - Laurence Sterne [74]
However, as the gentleman who did it, was in perfect charity with Yorick,—and, in conscious justice, printed but a few copies to give away;—and that, I am told, he could moreover have made as good a one himself, had he thought fit,—I declare I would not have published this anecdote to the world;—nor do I publish it with an intent to hurt his character and advancement in the church;——I leave that to others;——but I find myself impell’d by two reasons, which I cannot withstand.
The first is, That, in doing justice, I may give rest to Yorick’s ghost;—which, as the country people,—and some others, believe,——still walks.51
The second reason is, That, by laying open this story to the world, I gain an opportunity of informing it,——That in case the character of parson Yorick, and this sample of his sermons is liked,—that there are now in the possession of the Shandy Family,52 as many as will make a handsome volume, at the world’s service,—and much good may they do it.
CHAP. XVIII
Obadiah gain’d the two crowns without dispute; for he came in jingling, with all the instruments in the green bays bag we spoke of, slung across his body, just as Corporal Trim went out of the room.
It is now proper, I think, quoth Dr. Slop, (clearing up his looks) as we are in a condition to be of some service to Mrs. Shandy, to send up stairs to know how she goes on.
I have ordered, answered my father, the old midwife to come down to us upon the least difficulty;——for you must know, Dr. Slop, continued my father, with a perplexed kind of a smile upon his countenance, that by express treaty, solemnly ratified between me and my wife, you are no more than an auxiliary in this affair,—and not so much as that,—unless the lean old mother of a midwife above stairs cannot do without you.—Women have their particular fancies, and in points of this nature, continued my father, where they bear the whole burden, and suffer so much acute pain for the advantage of our families, and the good of the species,—they claim a right of deciding, en Soveraines,1 in whose hands, and in what fashion, they chuse to undergo it.
They are in the right of it,—quoth my uncle Toby. But, Sir, replied Dr. Slop, not taking notice of my uncle Toby’s opinion, but turning to my father,—they had better govern in other points;—and a father of a family, who wished its perpetuity, in my opinion, had better exchange this prerogative with them, and give up some other rights in lieu of it.—I know not, quoth my father, answering a little too testily, to be quite dispassionate in what he said,—I know not, quoth he, what we have left to give up, in lieu of who shall bring our children into the world,—unless that,—of who shall beget them.——One would almost give up any thing, replied Dr. Slop.——I beg your pardon,—answered my uncle Toby.——Sir, replied Dr. Slop, it would astonish you to know what Improvements we have made of late years in all branches of obstetrical knowledge, but particularly in that one single point of the safe and expeditious extraction of the fœtus,——which has received such lights, that, for my part, (holding up his hands) I declare I wonder how the world has———I wish, quoth my uncle Toby, you had seen what prodigious armies we had in Flanders.
CHAP. XIX
I have dropp’d the curtain over this scene for a minute,—to remind you of one thing,—and to inform you of another.
What I have to inform you, comes, I own, a little out of its due course;—for it should have been told a hundred and fifty pages ago, but that I foresaw then ’twould come in pat hereafter, and be of more advantage here than elsewhere.1----Writers had need look before them to keep up the spirit and connection of what they have in hand.
When these two things are done,—the curtain shall be drawn up again, and my uncle Toby, my father, and Dr. Slop shall go on with their discourse, without any more interruption.
First, then, the matter which I have to remind you of, is this;—that from the specimens of singularity in my father’s notions in the point of Christian-names, and