The Love Potion Murders in the Museum of Man_ A Norman De Ratour Mystery - Alfred Alcorn [45]
“No way. I mean she digs other chicks. That’s not my scene. I am one with the Lord on this.”
When there appeared to be no more questions, Professor Athol thanked the disputants. They in turn thanked the committee and, in the company of Ms. Cowe and her assistant, withdrew.
The subcommittee at this point entered the deliberation phase preparatory to making a preliminary finding. By degrees and perhaps inevitably, the discussion turned to the nature of erections.
Ms. Schanke, working on the Lemon Filled, stated with some force that “Erections are a social construct devised by males to punish women and keep them subservient.”
Ms. Doveen gave her an eye-rolling glance. “Speak for yourself, darling.”
Thad Pilty stepped into the fray, spelling out the matter in simplified biological terms. He said that from a physiological point of view, both the advent and maintenance of an erection is not entirely a voluntary act and becomes less so in the throes of intercourse. “Erections occur,” he said, “when hormones cause the blood vessels leading to the penis to relax and those leading away to constrict, causing the member to become engorged with up to eleven times the amount of blood it has when flaccid.”
Izzy opined somewhat wistfully that for gentlemen of a certain age natural erections are something of a gift.
“Is there a female equivalent?” someone asked.
Professor Pilty responded that there was obviously no real equivalent. “In a state of sexual arousal, a woman’s nipples, her clitoris, and her vaginal labia become engorged, and there’s usually a concomitant secretion of lubricating moisture on the walls of the vagina.”
“What’s it called?” Professor Athol asked.
Thad shook his head. “I’m not sure the phenomenon has a term.”
“Perhaps we should create one,” someone said.
Professor Pilty shrugged his shoulders. “How does lubrition sound? In the sense that a man has an erection and a woman has a lubrition?”
“Sounds good to me,” Ms. Doveen said as the rest of us passed.
Izzy shook his head, holding back a laugh. “Good enough to cause vagina envy.”
“I’m not sure it’s within the purview of the committee to decide medical terminology,” Ms. Brattle stated. “I think —”
“There are possible legal consequences,” Mr. Dearth interrupted.
“Or consequential legal possibilities,” I muttered.
Mr. Dearth’s eyebrows raised. “Yes. Yes.”
“We could certainly suggest the term to the appropriate authorities,” Professor Athol put in.
“I think women and women alone should decide what to call it.” Ms. Schanke spoke with considerable vehemence.
“By that standard only the elderly should be allowed to coin terms for geriatric medicine.”
“Surely there must be a committee on nomenclature within the medical establishment that the issue could be referred to.”
“The real question is whether this body is authorized, as an official act, to suggest nomenclature to any such entity.”
“It doesn’t have to be an official act.”
“What’s the point if it’s not official?”
“What do we mean when we say ‘official’?”
“It means with the stamp of office.”
“But we don’t have an office.”
“No, but we perform an office.”
“That’s right. An office as an official function.”
“What’s the etymology of the word, anyway?”
“I’m not sure. Probably from facio, Latin ‘to make or do.’ You find it the root of such words as factory, manufacture, effect, efficient, fact …”
Ms. Brattle’s gavel came down with a bang. “Please. We were discussing erections.”
Thad Pilty remarked as to how there was something called the IIEF, the International Index of Erectile Function.
“Thank God,” said Izzy. “For a moment I thought you were referring to L Institute International d Études Françaises.”
“But does it define an erection?” Professor Athol asked.
“Not as such. I think the accepted definition is a penis sufficiently rigid for unassisted penetration of the vagina.”
“I think it’s like the