The Magehound - Elaine Cunningham [69]
"The problem with pirates," she said in a far more animated tone, "is that they occasionally come ashore. Then they become your problem and mine. I bid you good folk to hear this cautionary tale, and leave this place the wiser for it.
"A lady jordain was sent to carry a message for her patron. With her was another counselor in need of training, who for our purposes need not be named."
Again she puckered her face into an approximation of Frando's prissy expression, and the crowd chuckled and looked about for the jordain.
"As night began to fall, their path took them through streets that wiser men avoid. Before long, a large, ill-favored man in a pirate's rough garb began to follow the two jordaini." Tzigone's brow beetled, and she took a couple of steps forward in deftly feigned menace.
"The lady's companion glanced behind them and took note of the danger.
'We are being followed,' he said nervously. 'What could that big fellow want?' "
The tone of Tzigone's voice was eerily like Frando's, and several people in the crowd chuckled and glanced at the crimson-faced man. Tzigone waited for silence and then continued her tale.
"The jordain woman shrugged. 'The usual, I suppose. He wishes to rob you and ravage me.'"
This was an unexpected turn, and the crowd began to shift and exchange uncertain glances. Bawdy stories were not unknown in taverns, but never were they told in this respectable forum. Tzigone's mimicry might be clever, but her words were unseemly and far beyond the bounds of polite convention.
Tzigone seemed not to notice her audience's distress. "The woman's companion wrung his hands and asked what they should do. 'Why, the only logical thing,' said the woman. 'We walk faster.' "They quickened their pace, but their pursuer easily matched them. 'He is gaining!' wailed the jordain.
" 'Indeed,' the woman said calmly. 'By my ciphering, the pirate should be upon us before that cloud passes over the moon.' " 'What should we do?' her companion all but wept.
" 'The only logical thing. You run one way, and I will run another. It is well known that jordaini carry little and own no valuable items. If the pirate must choose between robbery and ravishment under those circumstances, which would be the logical choice?' "This reasoning lifted the man's spirits considerably. Without hesitation, he turned tail and scurried back toward the safety of their patron's house."
Tzigone paused again for the slightly mocking laughter directed toward Frando.
"Much later, the lady jordain arrived at the patron's house. By now Fran-that is, her companion-was nearly giddy with worry. He pounced upon her and demanded full details.
"The lady regarded him with puzzlement. 'What happened?' she repeated.
'Why, the only logical thing that could have happened. The pirate gave chase and overtook me before the shadow of the cloud cleared the moon.' "The other jordain swallowed hard. 'What happened then, my lady?' " 'I did the only logical thing,' she told him in a matter-of-fact tone. 'I pulled up my skirts.'"
Several people in the crowd gasped. Tzigone nodded. "Yes. The jordain responded in much the same way when he heard this. He demanded to know what happened next. 'Why, the only logical thing,' said the lady. 'The man pulled down his leggings.' " 'And what happened next? Tell me everything!' " Tzigone spoke the words with breathless eagerness, leering as a salacious jordain might have done.
Matteo noted that her expression was identical to that on Frando's face.
Before he could catch himself, he laughed aloud. Tzigone caught his eye and winked.
"The lady jordain looked her companion in the eye. 'The only logical thing happened. A lady with her skirts up can run much faster than a man with his breeches down.' "
The unexpected ending brought a round of laughter and then applause.
Frando, however, was tight-lipped with rage. He shouldered his way through the crowd with as much dignity as he could muster. As he passed Matteo, he leaned in close.
"We will finish this another time. I am certain