The Magic Mirror of the Mermaid Queen - Delia Sherman [8]
“These are the lessons you’ll be taking. Neef, it wasn’t easy to decide where to place you. You’ve a very unusual combination of strengths and weaknesses. I’ve decided to assign you to Basic Manners, even if you are a bit old for it, as well as Diplomacy for Ambassadors, even though you’re a bit young.”
I wanted to tell her that Astris had been teaching me manners since I could walk, but I could tell, even without whiskers, that Tester’s mind was made up.
I studied the list of lessons.
Talismans. Fair enough. I knew how to turn on the Mermaid Queen’s Magic Magnifying Mirror, but that was about it. History of New York Between and Mortal History and Customs all sounded interesting. But Questing? Diplomacy? After I’d been on an actual quest, dodging giants and outwitting Geniuses and coming home in triumph?
The boy Fortran was having a similar experience. “Arabic?” he burst out. “Urdu? What do I need foreign languages for? I already know DOS and HTML and Java. I’m learning to be a Magic Tech, not a Diplomat.”
“There are a lot of new supernaturals coming into the City,” Tester said. “Some of them may be Tech Folk. You need to know how to talk to them. Any other questions?”
Espresso held up her hand. “I’m not grokking the sweaters, man.”
Tester smiled. “I’m glad you brought that up, Espresso. The sweaters are a beautiful tradition established by our last Schooljuffrouw, who remembered some things from her life Outside. There’s a school song, too: ‘It’s a Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.’ We sing it at assembly every morning.”
A horn blew, loud enough to make us all jump.
“That signals the end of this lesson,” Tester said. “Soon you’ll hear another. It means the beginning of the next lesson. Each of you has a guide waiting outside to lead you until you learn your way around.” We got up uncertainly. “Get moving. And don’t forget your Rule Books.”
Chapter 3
RULE 1: STUDENTS MUST NEVER FIGHT AMONG THEMSELVES.
Miss Van Loon’s Big Book of Rules
Out in the hall, a small crowd of changelings was leaning against a wall, talking. When they saw us trooping out of Tester’s room in our new Inside Sweaters, they smiled.
I’d seen smiles like that before, on members of the Wild Hunt: a little too wide and much too full of teeth.
The toothiest of them looked like a dryad, tall and smoothly beautiful, with arms and legs as long and skinny as branches. Her Inside Sweater had a pattern of gold stars swirling from her right shoulder down across her chest to the hem. Under it were blue jeans, extra-skinny. Her blue eyes examined me from top to toe, widening when they got to my bare feet.
“Don’t tell me,” she said. “You’re the Wild Child.”
I’m used to teasing. The Folk love to make mortals cry. Even the moss women, who are all about helping unhappy mortals, let them wander around and moan for a while first. The moss women say it’s to find out whether the mortals are really and truly unhappy and not just pretending. But I’ve heard them giggling in the Ramble while some poor tourist stumbles around the paths looking for the way out.
I gave the beautiful mortal the same once-over she’d given me, ending at her high-heeled glass slippers. “Pretty. What’ll you do if you meet an ogre? Break your shoe over his head?”
“Ooh!” The blonde turned to her friends. “Listen to the spunky heroine! Maybe she’ll challenge me to a duel.” The friends giggled like squirrels. They had gold stars on their sweaters, too, laid out in different patterns.
“If I did, I’d win,” I said.
“I have a gold star in combat.”
“Good for you.”
Another dryad wannabe peeled herself away from the wall. She wasn’t quite as blonde or blue-eyed or willowy as the first one, but her stars were laid out in exactly the same swirling pattern.
“Obviously,” she said, “you don’t know who you’re talking to. This is Tiffany, Debutante of the Court of the Dowager of Park Avenue. She’s going to be the Dowager’s Voice some day? Which, since you obviously don’t know anything at all, is gigantically important. The Dowager is constantly making alliances with all the most