The Magician King_ A Novel - Lev Grossman [174]
PouncySilverkitten: but you do believe that there is a higher praxis
ViciousCirce: believe there might be. = why I’m still here
ViciousCirce: and anyway
ViciousCirce: what if OLU does come. what if she is real. what next. how does it go down. what if she won’t teach us. I mean do you want to just summon a god or do you want to be a god?
PouncySilverkitten: be. but this = necessary first step
Failstaff: but OK good point VC. maybe OLU isn’t looking for interns
ViciousCirce: seriously say she manifests tomorrow. how does the conversation go pouncy?
It was weird that they hadn’t talked about this stuff openly before: what they would actually say and do if she came. Maybe it was easier to do it online than face-to-face. There was less pressure. The stakes seemed lower. Keep it casual.
PouncySilverkitten: since you ask I’ve thought a lot about this
Asmodeus: you better have
PouncySilverkitten: so. ahem. yr standard issue god follows one of two protocols, right?
Failstaff: uh. splain.
PouncySilverkitten: protocol #1 = prayer. this is more yr modern christian deity. you pray for X. god listens then judges you. if you’re deemed worthy/good/whatever you get what you prayed for. you get X. if not then not.
Asmodeus: OOOOOPS I forgot to be good
PouncySilverkitten: now yr ancient pagan deity follows protocol #2. more a basic transactional kinda deal. demands a sacrifice in return for goods and services.
Failstaff: those were the days
PouncySilverkitten: and then the nature of the sacrifice itself follows one of two protocols. symbolic or real.
Asmodeus: testify my bruthaaaaa
PouncySilverkitten: #1 symbolic = something you don’t really need but that signifies yr devotion to the deity. a fatted calf or whatever etc. #2 real = something you do need, that proves yr devotion to the deity. ie your hand, foot, blood, child, etc
ViciousCirce: like abraham & isaac. sometimes God wants your son. sometimes He’ll settle for a ram.
PouncySilverkitten: exactly. that’s my rough n ready take
ViciousCirce: fine so run the numbers gents and you get three different scenarios and we’re screwed 2 out of 3.
ViciousCirce: modern deity: we’re screwed because we are presumably unworthy hence our prayers go unanswered
ViciousCirce: pagan deity #2: if she demands
a real sacrifice we’re screwed because hello pouncy I need my foot or whatever
ViciousCirce: pagan deity #1 is our only shot. symbolic sacrifice. fatted calf in exchange for the divine praxis. one in three. that’s my take. rough n ready
Failstaff: AND SORRY BUT WHAT IF I REALLY NEED MY FATTED CALF WHAT THEN P WHAT THEN
Asmodeus: sorry pouncy but do I really have to be the one to say that you have no FUCKEN idea what you’re talking about
Asmodeus: literally none
PouncySilverkitten: o rly?
Failstaff: ?
ViciousCirce: . . .
Asmodeus: you think this is a male god you are dealing with ie you writ large. wrong. OLU is a godDESS. a lady god. this is NOT about PROTOCOLS
Asmodeus: I believe in Our Lady Underground and I believe that she will help us not because it is in her interest to do so or because she wants to eat your fucking foot or whatever but because she is KIND. pouncy u twat
Asmodeus: this is not a transaction bitches this is about mercy. this is about forgiveness. this is about divine grace. if Our Lady comes, that is what will save us.
Long silence. Dead air. The next message was time-stamped a full two minutes later.
PouncySilverkitten: so how about it VC. r you in or r you out or what r u?
[ViciousCirce has left this thread]
They did it in the Library. It was the only room big enough. They’d had to pack up all the books and stack them in the Long Study and elsewhere—the halls were overflowing with them—and dismantle those beautiful floating shelves. The walls were bare, the way they would have been when this was a farmhouse. The windows were flung open to the cold, quiet late-autumn air. The early evening sky was an unnaturally amazing