The Magus - John Fowles [101]
innocent and sympathetic statements and actions conform to her fundamental delusion.' And here. 'There are frequently large areas of consciousness untouched by the delusion. In all that concerns them, the patient may seem, to an observer who knows the full truth, bewilderingly sensible and logical." He took a gold pencil from his pocket, marked the passages he had read and passed the open the book over the table to me. I glanced at the book, then still smiling, at him. "Her sister?" "Another cake?" "Thank you." I put the book down. "Mr. Conchis--her sister?" He smiled. "Yes, of course, her sister." "And --" "Yes, yes, and the others. Nicholas--here, Lily is queen. For a month or two we all conform to the needs of her life. Of her happiness." And he had that, very rare in him, gentleness, solicitude, which only Lily seemed able to evoke. I realised that I had stopped smiling; I was beginning to lose my sense of total sureness that he was inventing a new explanation of the masque. So I smiled again. "And me?" "Do children in England still play that game..." he put his hand over his eyes, at a loss for the word... "_cache-cache?_" "Hide-and-seek? Yes, of course." "Some hide?" He looked at me to guess the rest. "And I seek?" "The hiders must have a seeker. That is the game. A seeker who is not too cruel. Not too observant." Once again I was made to feel tactless, and to ask myself why. He had provoked this new explanation. He went on. "Lily's real name is Julie Holmes. You must in no circumstance reveal to her that I have told you this." His eyes bored gravely into me. "Four or five years ago her case attracted a great deal of medical attention. It is one of the best documented in recent psychiatric history." "Could I read about it?" "Not now. It would not help her--and it would be merely to satisfy your curiosity. Which can wait." He went on. "She was in danger of becoming, like many such very unusual cases, a monster in a psychiatric freak show. That is what I am now trying to guard against." "Why exactly are you telling me these things now?" "It is a decision I took coming back from Nauplia. Nicholas, I made a foolish miscalculation when I invited you here last weekend." "Oh?" "Yes. You are--quite simply--more intelligent than I realised. A good deal more so. And too much intelligence can spoil our little... amusements here." I had the now familiar feeling that came in conversations at Bourani; of ambiguity; of not knowing quite what statements applied to--in this case, whether to the assumption that Lily really was a schizophrenic or to the assumption that of course I knew that her "schizophrenia" was simply a new hiding place in the masque. "I'm sorry." He raised his hand, kind man; I was not to excuse myself. I became the dupe again. "This is why you won't let her go outside Bourani?" "Of course." "Couldn't she go out... " I looked at the tip of my cigarette... "under supervision?" "She is, in law, certifiable. And incurable. That is the personal responsibility I have undertaken. To ensure that she never enters an asylum, or a clinic, again." "But you let her wander around. She could easily escape." He raised his head in sharp contradiction. "Never. Her nurse never leaves her." "Her nurse!" "He is very discreet. It distresses her to have him always by her, especially here, so he keeps well in the background. One day you will see him." I thought, yeah, with his jackal-head on. It would not wash; but the extraordinary thing was that I knew, and more than half suspected that Conchis knew that I knew, it would not wash. I hadn't played chess for years; but I remembered that the better you got, the more it became a game of false sacrifices. He was testing not my powers of belief, but my powers of unbelief; assaying my incredulity. I kept my face innocent. "This is why you keep her on the yacht?" "Yacht?" "I thought you kept her on a yacht." "That is her little secret. Allow her to keep it." I smiled. "So this is why my two predecessors came here. And were so quiet about it." "John was an excellent... seeker. But Mitford was