The Magus - John Fowles [110]
I had first lived on the island, Athens, the city life, had seemed like a normalising influence, as desirable as it was still familiar. Now I realised that it began to frighten me, that I loathed it; the slick exchange at the desk, its blatant implications of sex, confracepted excitement, the next stereotyped thrill. I came from another planet. A minute or two later Alison appeared through the door. Her hair was short, too short, she was wearing a white dress, and immediately we were on the wrong foot, because I knew she had worn it to remind me of our first meeting. Her skin was paler than I remembered. She took off her dark glasses when she saw me and I could see she was tired, her most bruised. Pretty enough body, pretty enough clothes, a good walk, the same old wounded face and truth-seeking eyes. Alison might launch ten ships in me; but Lily launched a thousand. She came and stood and we gave each other a little smile. "Hi." "Hello, Alison." "Sorry. Late as usual." She spoke as if we had last met the week before. But it didn't work. The nine months stood like a sieve between us, through which words came, but none of the emotions. "Shall we go?" I took the airline bag she was carrying and led her out to a taxi. Inside we sat in opposite corners and looked at each other again. She smiled. "I thought you wouldn't come." "I didn't know where to send my refusal." "I was cunning." She looked out of the window, waved to a man in uniform. She looked older to me, overexperienced by travel; needing to be known all over again, and I hadn't the energy. "I've got you a room overlooking the port." "Fine." "They're so bloody stuffy in Greek hotels. You know." "_Toujours_ the done thing." She gave me a brief ironic look from her grey eyes, then covered up. "It's fun. Vive the done thing." I nearly made my prepared speech, but it annoyed me that she assumed I hadn't changed. was still slave to English convention; it even annoyed me that she felt she had to cover up. "Your hair." "You don't like it." "Not used to it." She held out her hand and I took it and we pressed fingers. Then she reached out and took off my dark glasses. "You look devastatingly handsome now. Do you know that? You're so brown. Dried in the sun, sort of beginning to be ravaged. Jesus, when you're forty." I remembered Lily's prophecy, I remembered--that evening I never forgot--Lily. I smiled, but I looked down and let go of her hand to get a cigarette. I knew what her flattery meant; the invitation extended. "Alison, I'm in a sort of weird situation." It knocked all the false lightness out of her. She looked straight ahead. "Another girl?" "No." She flashed a look at me. "I've changed, I don't know how one begins to explain things." "But you wish to God I'd kept away." "No, I'm... glad you've come." She glanced at me suspiciously again. "Really." She was silent for a few moments. We moved out onto the coast road. "I'm through with Pete." "You said." "I forgot." But I knew she hadn't. "Was he fed up?" "And I've been through with everyone else since I've been through with him." She kept staring out of the window. "Sorry. I ought to have started with the small talk." "No. I mean... you know." She slid another look at me; hurt and trying not to be hurt. She made an effort. "I'm living with Ann again. Only since last week. Back in the old flat. Maggie's gone home." "I liked Ann." "Yes, she's nice." There was a long silence as we drove down past Phaleron. She stared out of the window and after a minute reached into her white handbag and took out her dark glasses. I knew why, I could see the lines of wet light round her eyes. I didn't touch her, take her hand, but I talked about the difference between the Piraeus and Athens, how the former was more picturesque, more Greek, and I thought she'd like it better. I had really chosen the Piraeus because of the small, but horrifying, possibility of running into Conchis and Lily. The thought of _her_ cool, amused and probably contemptuous eyes if such a thing happened sent shivers down my spine. There was something about Alison's