The Magus - John Fowles [284]
in her; accepted, in her accept-all way, that I was just "a wee bit cracked." Then one October evening I knew I wouldn't sleep and I offered to drive her anywhere she wanted within a night's range. She thought a moment and said, goodness knows why, Stonehenge. So we drove down to Stonehenge and walked around the looming menhirs at three o'clock with a cold wind blowing and the sound of peewits in the moon-drenched wrack above our heads. Later we sat in the car and ate chocolate. I could just see her face; the dark smudges of her eyes and the innocent puppy-grin. "Why you grinning, Jojo?" "'Cause I'm happy." "Aren't you tired?" "No." I leant forward and kissed the side of her head. It was the first time I'd ever kissed her, and I started the engine immediately. After a while she went to sleep and slowly slumped against my shoulder. When she slept she looked very young, fifteen or sixteen. I got occasional whiffs of her hair, which she hardly ever washed. I felt for her almost exactly what I felt for Kemp; great affection, and not the least desire. One night soon after that we went to the cinema. Kemp, who thought I was mad to be sleeping with such an ugly layabout--I didn't attempt to explain the true situation--but was glad I was showing at least one sign of normality, came with us, and afterwards we all went back to her "studio" and sat boozing cocoa and the remains of a bottle of rum. About one Kemp kicked us out; she wanted to go to sleep, as indeed I did myself. I went with Jojo and stood by the front door. It was the first really cold night of the autumn, and raining hard into the bargain. We stood at the door and looked out. "I'll sleep upstairs in your chair, Nick." "No. It'll be all right. Stay here. I'll get the car." I used to park it up a side street. I got in, coaxed the engine into life, moved forward; but not far. The front wheel was flat as a pancake. I got out in the rain and looked, cursed, and went to the boot for the pump. It was not there. I hadn't used it for a week or more, so I didn't know when it had been pinched. I slammed the lid down and ran back to the door. "I've got a bloody fiat." "Gude." "Thank you." "Don't be such a loon. I'll sleep in your auld armchair." I considered waking Kemp, but the thought of all the obscenities she would hurl round the studio soon killed that idea. We climbed up the stairs past the silent sewing rooms and into the fiat. "Look, you kip in the bed. I'll sleep here." She wiped her nose on the back of her hand and nodded; went to the bathroom, then marched into the bedroom, lay on the bed and pulled her wretched old dufflecoat over her. I was secretly angry with her, I was tired, but I pulled two chairs together and stretched out. Five minutes passed. Then she was in the door between the rooms. "Nick?" "Mm." "Come on." "Come on where." "You know." "No." She stood there in the door for a silent minute. She liked to mull over her gambits. "I want you to." It struck me that I'd never heard her use the verb "to want" in the first person before. - "Jojo, we're chums. We're not going to bed together." "It's only kipping together." "No." "Just once." "No." She stood plumply in the door, in her blue jumper and jeans, a dark stain of silent accusation. Light from outside distorted the shadows round her figure, isolated her face, so that she looked like a Munch lithograph. Jealousy; or Envy; or Innocence. "I'm so cold." "Get under the blankets then." She gave it a minute more and then I heard her creep back to bed. Five minutes passed. I felt my neck get stiff. "I'm in the bed. Nick, you could easy sleep on top." I took a deep breath. "Can you hear?" "Yes." Silence. "I thought you were asleep." Rain pounded down, dripped in the gutters; wet London night air pervaded the room. Solitude. Winter. "Could I come in a wee sec and put the fire on?" "Oh God." "I won't wake you at all." "Thanks." She slopped into the room and I heard her strike a match. The gas phutted and began to hiss. A pinkish glow filled the room. She was very quiet, but after a while I gave in and began to sit up.