The Mammoth Book of Apocalyptic SF - Mike Ashley [151]
I hadn't thought of it that way.
Lola sniffed and said nothing more, wiping at her eyes with the backs of both hands. And I stood very still, looking out over that enormous graveyard, thinking, "This is how it feels. This is what it's like, serving as pallbearer to the world."
I watch for her, pulling a slab of smoky meat off the trailer, and then I take a break, expecting May to rush into view. Only she doesn't. I remove another two slabs and carry them into the butcher's shop, and when I come out I'm ready to see her. But the street is empty. Nervous energy gives me enough juice to work hard and fast. Warm enough to sweat, I open up my coat and sling more meat onto a cart and wheel it inside, pausing in the doorway to look back at nobody. She won't show. I know this now. But when I come outside again, May is standing in my truck, waiting for me. Except that I don't want to see her. A moment ago I was comfortable with the two of us never crossing paths again.
She says, "What?"
I push the cart past her, my head down.
"Your friend says you know something," she says. "He told me that I had to run over here and talk to you. That it was important."
Bear meat is greasy and dark, and it demands an entirely different approach to smoke properly. I start pulling the bear off the truck, piling the roasts and haunches on the cart. May watches me until the cart is full. Then she says, "You don't know anything."
"What was the old woman's job?"
There. Somebody asks a question. And I guess it was me, since nobody else is standing here.
"Job?"
"Before the Shakes came," I say.
She stares at me, saying nothing.
"She was a scientist," I guess.
May straightens her back before reminding me, "That was a long time ago. And I'm sure you noticed, her mind is mostly gone."
"She saved the world."
The girl doesn't react, not even to blink.
"Your brother's pissed with her. But that's only because she killed the wrong people he thinks. On the other hand, you know that she's a good person, an exceptional person, and always has been. You love your grandmother, and you came all this way to see where she and your dad lived before the world changed. Those notes in your back pocket? They're going to help you write a book about this great woman who helped save the world." I'm sweating hard, tired hands shaking. "The world needed saving. If grandma and her friends hadn't acted, our species would have eventually pushed the climate over the brink. And that would have been an even worse mess than the nightmare I lived through."
May says nothing. But her eyes drop, and with ten feet between us, I can hear her breathing.
"The thing is, maybe I believe that's all true. The climate was in deep trouble. There were too many people and no time to spare. And that one way or another, the Shakes saved the world."
Her eyes lift.
"We're still here," I admit. "And I'm pretty much happy to be alive."
A smile starts, but then she thinks better of it.
"There's just one problem, May. Maybe your grandma did what she did for the best reasons. Maybe we didn't have any choice left. But why not come out and explain the situation? Why didn't she and her colleagues make their argument, even if it was horrible to consider and there was no turning back?"
She looks off into the distance.
"One statement, and all the mystery would be gone. Nobody likes dying, but at least there would have been a purpose to it. Mankind was being chopped back like a weed, and the planet would be better for it. That's not nearly as hopeless as a pack of faceless murderers with no goal but to be vicious."
May stares at the sky until I look in the same direction. I see nothing but the high blue, and she turns to me. "Maybe they should have," she says.
"Did any of them take the vaccine?" I ask.
Her eyes stay on me. She waits and then says, "No," before