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I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I BLOODY DAMN WANT TO DIE

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Even though I stopped needing to breathe a long time ago, I just always kept up breathing by reflex, and that. Sometimes when I got bored enough I'd hold my breath for six or seven hours, but when I stopped it I'd always start breathing again. Without trying. I remember a very long time ago, when I could still sleep, one night I put my head in a plasti-cling and I tied it tight round my neck so there was no air. When I woke up the next day I'd stopped breathing for several hours but it didn't make a difference, so I took the thing off and my breathing started same as always.

That was long long long ago. It's been getting harder to breathe for a long time now. It's not me that's changing, it's the air. It feels thicker than it used to be, and hotter, and stickier. I think there's something poison in it too, but not poison enough to kill me. For a long time it hurt to take a breath, and I got excited again cus I hoped I was dying. But it just got harder and harder to breathe, and it hurt more and more.

One day I noticed I wasn't breathing any more. I hoped my body was shutting down at last at last at last but no apparently it just decided from now on breathing was too much work so it just slacked off.

A long time ago, every once in a while I'd find a river that was mostly nasty stuff instead of water but I'd take a quick drink just to remember water. I can't remember the last time I saw a river. Nor lakes.

The cities mostly went to dust a long time ago. I went back to the seashore, where it used to be I mean, so I could see the changes in the ocean. I'm sure all the fish died thousands of years back. For a while some of that algy-stuff was still alive in the ocean but now I don't think so.

The ocean's getting smaller. Every time I walk down the beach the sand and stones are longer and the ocean is shorter.

For a while, there were some kind of nasty wiggle-things alive I never saw before. I'm sure they weren't around until after all the people died, so there's no science-y name for them. Ugh! Just wiggle-things with too many legs and all slime. And long feely bits instead of eyes. They came up in the mud near the ocean, when there was still mud. For a while I was actually glad to see them because at least something new was alive. They're gone now.

Sometimes I scream but no one hears me.

I used to be able to cry. Now the tears never come no matter how much I want them. It's just so bloody not fair. I can't eat I can't drink I can't sleep I can't breathe and now I can't even cry. I've lost everything that ever made me human except I can't die.

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ought to be some way to turn off the sun it's so bright all the time and when

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It's happening faster. Used to be if I hurt myself the cut or the hurt would heal at the normal speed for healing. Yesterday I found a jagged piece of plastic with a sharp edge, so I took it in one hand and I deliberately slit open my other arm all the way from my wrist to my shoulder. I started bleeding and I hoped the nano-things would all leak out. While I watched it the whole bloody cut healed in about nineteen seconds. I heal faster now.

It's just so bloody not fair.

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Those bug-men and their big metal round thing never came back but after a long time some green shiny people showed up. Not shaped like humans but green and shiny. I think they were all female, no men. They started building a city and planting new sorts of plants and changing the air so it got easier to breathe. Too right I came running to meet them. Their words are just a lot of squeaking noises but they tried to teach me anyway and I tried to learn but it was just too hard. The sky is so bright all the time now, I could just barely see a few stars in the little bit of night, but one of the green ladies pointed up at the sky and I think she was showing me what star they came from, I mean what star their planet is from.

For a long time I lived in their