The Metal Monster [47]
felt no terror, no fear-- only a tremendous--joyous--anticipation, as though--as though--" She faltered, hung her head, then leaving that sentence unfinished, whispered: "and when--it--lifted me it was as though I had come at last out of some endless black ocean of despair into the full sun of paradise."
"Ruth!" cried Drake, and at the pain in his cry she winced.
"Wait," she said, and held up a little, tremulous hand. "You asked--and now you must listen."
She was silent; and when once more she spoke her voice was low, curiously rhythmic; her eyes rapt:
"I was free--free from every human fetter of fear or sorrow or love or hate; free even of hope--for what was there to hope for when everything desirable was mine? And I was elemental; one with the eternal things yet fully conscious that I was--I.
"It was as though I were the shining shadow of a star afloat upon the breast of some still and hidden woodland pool; as though I were a little wind dancing among the mountain tops; a mist whirling down a quiet glen; a shimmering lance of the aurora pulsing in the high solitudes.
"And there was music--strange and wondrous music and terrible, but not terrible to me--who was part of it. Vast chords and singing themes that rang like clusters of little swinging stars and harmonies that were like the very voice of infinite law resolving within itself all discords. And all--all--passionless, yet--rapturous.
"Out of the Thing that held me, out from its fires pulsed vitality--a flood of inhuman energy in which I was bathed. And it was as though this energy were--reassembling me, fitting me even closer to the elemental things, changing me fully into them.
"I felt the little tendrils touching, caressing--then came the shots. Awakening was--dreadful, a struggling back from drowning. I saw Martin--blasted. I drove the--the spell away from me, tore it away.
"And, O Walter--Dick--it hurt--it hurt--and for a breath before I ran to him it was like--like coming from a world in which there was no disorder, no sorrow, no doubts, a rhythmic, harmonious world of light and music, into--into a world that was like a black and dirty kitchen.
"And it's there," her voice rose, hysterically. "It's still within me--whispering, whispering; urging me away from you, from Martin, from every human thing; bidding me give myself up, surrender my humanity.
"Its seal," she sobbed. "No--HIS seal! An alien consciousness sealed within me, that tries to make the human me a slave--that waits to overcome my will--and if I surrender gives me freedom, an incredible freedom--but makes me, being still human, a--monster."
She hid her face in her hands, quivering.
"If I could sleep," she wailed. "But I'm afraid to sleep. I think I shall never sleep again. For sleeping how do I know what I may be when I wake?"
I caught Drake's eye; he nodded. I slipped my hand down into the medicine-case, brought forth a certain potent and tasteless combination of drugs which I carry upon explorations.
I dropped a little into her cup, then held it to her lips. Like a child, unthinking, she obeyed and drank.
"But I'll not surrender." Her eyes were tragic. "Never think it! I can win--don't you know I can?"
"Win?" Drake dropped down beside her, drew her toward him. "Bravest girl I've known--of course you'll win. And remember this--nine-tenths of what you're thinking now is purely over-wrought nerves and weariness. You'll win--and we'll win, never doubt it."
"I don't," she said. "I know it--oh, it will be hard--but I will--I will--"
CHAPTER XV
THE HOUSE OF NORHALA
Her eyes closed, her body relaxed; the potion had done its work quickly. We laid her beside Ventnor on the pile of silken stuffs, covered them both with a fold, then looked at each other long and silently--and I wondered whether my face was as grim and drawn as his.
"It appears," he said at last, curtly, "that it's up to you and me for powwow quick. I hope you're not sleepy."
"I am not," I answered as curtly; the edge of nerves in his manner of questioning doing nothing
"Ruth!" cried Drake, and at the pain in his cry she winced.
"Wait," she said, and held up a little, tremulous hand. "You asked--and now you must listen."
She was silent; and when once more she spoke her voice was low, curiously rhythmic; her eyes rapt:
"I was free--free from every human fetter of fear or sorrow or love or hate; free even of hope--for what was there to hope for when everything desirable was mine? And I was elemental; one with the eternal things yet fully conscious that I was--I.
"It was as though I were the shining shadow of a star afloat upon the breast of some still and hidden woodland pool; as though I were a little wind dancing among the mountain tops; a mist whirling down a quiet glen; a shimmering lance of the aurora pulsing in the high solitudes.
"And there was music--strange and wondrous music and terrible, but not terrible to me--who was part of it. Vast chords and singing themes that rang like clusters of little swinging stars and harmonies that were like the very voice of infinite law resolving within itself all discords. And all--all--passionless, yet--rapturous.
"Out of the Thing that held me, out from its fires pulsed vitality--a flood of inhuman energy in which I was bathed. And it was as though this energy were--reassembling me, fitting me even closer to the elemental things, changing me fully into them.
"I felt the little tendrils touching, caressing--then came the shots. Awakening was--dreadful, a struggling back from drowning. I saw Martin--blasted. I drove the--the spell away from me, tore it away.
"And, O Walter--Dick--it hurt--it hurt--and for a breath before I ran to him it was like--like coming from a world in which there was no disorder, no sorrow, no doubts, a rhythmic, harmonious world of light and music, into--into a world that was like a black and dirty kitchen.
"And it's there," her voice rose, hysterically. "It's still within me--whispering, whispering; urging me away from you, from Martin, from every human thing; bidding me give myself up, surrender my humanity.
"Its seal," she sobbed. "No--HIS seal! An alien consciousness sealed within me, that tries to make the human me a slave--that waits to overcome my will--and if I surrender gives me freedom, an incredible freedom--but makes me, being still human, a--monster."
She hid her face in her hands, quivering.
"If I could sleep," she wailed. "But I'm afraid to sleep. I think I shall never sleep again. For sleeping how do I know what I may be when I wake?"
I caught Drake's eye; he nodded. I slipped my hand down into the medicine-case, brought forth a certain potent and tasteless combination of drugs which I carry upon explorations.
I dropped a little into her cup, then held it to her lips. Like a child, unthinking, she obeyed and drank.
"But I'll not surrender." Her eyes were tragic. "Never think it! I can win--don't you know I can?"
"Win?" Drake dropped down beside her, drew her toward him. "Bravest girl I've known--of course you'll win. And remember this--nine-tenths of what you're thinking now is purely over-wrought nerves and weariness. You'll win--and we'll win, never doubt it."
"I don't," she said. "I know it--oh, it will be hard--but I will--I will--"
CHAPTER XV
THE HOUSE OF NORHALA
Her eyes closed, her body relaxed; the potion had done its work quickly. We laid her beside Ventnor on the pile of silken stuffs, covered them both with a fold, then looked at each other long and silently--and I wondered whether my face was as grim and drawn as his.
"It appears," he said at last, curtly, "that it's up to you and me for powwow quick. I hope you're not sleepy."
"I am not," I answered as curtly; the edge of nerves in his manner of questioning doing nothing